We had groomed and tacked our horse and were walking to the arena to go for a ride. The young man had pretty much talked non-stop since we began our time together. Suddenly he became silent. Hmm, I wondered, was it because he had a fear about riding, was anxious about being so high on a horse? The silence was broken when he said, "You, know, it’s a good thing horses can breathe". Oh, I said, why’s that? "Well, their nostrils are so big a fly could make a campsite in there"!!
A young gal with scoliosis was riding for the very first time on her horse. "Am I dreaming" she said, "or is this for real"?
I met my young man out by the barn door, and after we had completed our chore we headed in the barn so he could pick out his horse for the day. I introduced him to each one, and he picked out Promise. As we were grooming him he began asking me questions about Promise. I explained that Lindsey, the lady who owned the horse knew when she got him that he had lots of allergies and she made a promise to him that she would take care of him: hence the name Promise. His head neatly slicked back with sandy brown hair turned my direction and looking with his big brown eyes into my blue ones said: "I have lots of allergies too". He began to name; it seemed to me, just about everything. When he finished talking his hands kept grooming, but now, it looked to me as if it was with more tenderness and care. "I’m just like this horse. I didn’t know that he had all these allergies when I chose him, because you can’t see them by looking at him. Just like Lindsey has promised to take care of him, God has promised to take care of me". A smile spread across his face that brought tears to my eyes.
Often, while sessions are going on Jill, one of the co-founders, has the opportunity to talk to the parent/grandparent/guardian that brought the child. Many times Jill shares with us later how they express with tears and much gratitude how this meets incredible needs in their children lives. Along with those thanks they will tell Jill of their own personal great sorrow, pain or loss. Divorce, abuse, joblessness, ridicule at school or work, military families with absent spouses, emotional, mental and physical challenges, medical issues….the list goes on. What looks like “normal” on the outside can, with the love of another, be peeled back to reveal what the heart looks like on the inside. Jill has the privilege to talk with them about Jesus, to encourage them, to pray with them, to just be their friend and listen. To share with them the love, forgiveness, tenderness and salvation that is found in Jesus Christ. The sharing of our burdens lightens the load--both for the children and those that bring them.
Two young ladies, from two very different home situations have met and formed a wonderful friendship at the ranch. The common denominator: the love and passion for horses. I know bits and pieces of their lives, some of their hurts and growing up teenager issues at home and at school. As I listen to them talk and giggle, as I see them riding together, see them laughing and telling silly tales to each other my heart is moved. Those four legged animals that our Father has created, has brought two young ladies together to be friends. To meet a need in each of their lives that will never be forgotten. And, most incredibly faith building of all, answers to specific prayers that they had petitioned their Heavenly Father for months before.
What subjects do we talk about in our mentor times? Some times it is nothing “serious”, it is just about having fun. Sometimes it has been about respect, authority, the 10 commandments, purity, relationships, and so much more. Every session time is an opportunity to share Jesus in so many different venues. Many, many days I am convinced I have been blessed more than the child that came. To see the “light” in their eyes when they “get it”. To listen to their heart, to play games, smile, laugh and "build up" their character—I indeed am most blessed.
I was leading a young lady around the arena on the lead line, for she had told me she was a little scared to ride a horse—even though she had always dreamed of riding on one. "You won’t let Blue Bar run away will you", she asked? No, I won’t I said. "Will he buck me off like I've seen in movies"? No, I don't think that is likely I replied. "Blue Bar must trust you" she said, "to let you lead him around like this. You could trick him if you wanted, but he is trusting you isn’t he"? Yes, I said, he is. "You must trust him too, to have me ride him and stay safe". Yes, that is true too I responded. We continued to walk and I continued to listen as she shared some of her fears, many of them because of her medical/physical conditions. The Holy Spirit prompted me to quietly undo the lead line and just kept walking and talking. I moved away slightly and she noticed she was riding “all by herself”. Excitedly she exclaimed, "Now Blue Bar trusts me to lead him, and I will trust him to take good care of me too". Minutes passed in silence, in short bursts of laughter, and deep sighs. She spoke once again after a connection was made in her heart: "I am going to trust God to take care of me too, even though it is scary and I don’t always like what the doctor’s say".
Some children do not have enough balance skills to stay on their horse by themselves so two of us will walk on each side of the horse while another one leads. One such autistic young man that comes to the ranch speaks in a language only understood by our loving Heavenly Father. Even his facial expressions are limited because of his physical and mental challenges. A breeze had picked up and Santé began sneezing. I myself find it very amusing to listen and watch (and feel!)a horse sneeze, but to our amazement so did this young man. He began to laugh, and then continued to laugh and laugh and laugh. You would never know that this lad couldn’t talk or walk or eat or drink or live life like many other young boys while listening and watching him atop his steed. Later, with tears in her eyes his Mom shared that that his expressing laughter is very rare—and so beautiful and precious for her to hear. What a blessing for her, and I am sure for that treasured child of the King. (I’m kinda wondering if our loving Father didn’t send down an angel to tickle Sante'’s nose just so his Mom would be encouraged, and so ALL of us could witness the purely incredible enjoyable moment that was outwardly displayed!)
What is it inside a horses head and heart that can just sense the need of a child? Awesome Creator God, thank you!!
Is there a mission field right here in West Michigan? Are the precious lives of these young people and the ones who care for them any more or less important that those on foreign fields? What you have read is just a sample that missions at “home” is God’s heart, just as missions “abroad” is as well. These next generations of young ones here in the United Sates are our next leaders in homes, churches and government. They are the next generation to share about what Jesus has done in their lives to those who need to hear of His love. To be the hands and feet of Jesus, to share with words and actions that He loves each one so much that He died for the payment of our sins and offers freely eternal life to everyone. That the absolute truths in the Bible show us how to live in freedom, how to be successful children, adults, parents, citizens, employees….the list goes on and on. The peace that passes all understanding is only found in one relationship: in our Savior, Jesus Christ. To be a part of this mission field, this is where He has me this summer.
Another HUGE thank you to my church, Trinity Baptist of Muskegon for answering the call to support me financially, with many prayers, and in so many other ways to impact West Michigan for Christ. A HUGE thank you to those individuals who, by the prompting of the Holy Spirit support me with gas cards, gift certificates, cash, dinners, outings, notes, hugs, encouraging words, prayers and so much more! Your reward will be so great when in heaven some of these cherished ones come up to you to thank you and share their stories. What a day that will be!! I know there are no tears in heaven, so how GREAT our joy will be, and our gratefulness to the King of kings who made it all possible!
I was not able to post any pictures this time....hopefully next time!
Keep smilin’ and lookin’ to Jesus with me today!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Using all my senses
With the Eyes
In the touch
I have had the enjoyment of grooming each of the horses and talking to them about...well, they know :-). They are such good listeners, and are willing to let one more person in their heart. What a delight to hold and play and watch newborn kitties! It brings such a smile to my face and heart. They are so innocent, so trusting, so cared for by their mamma's. When the baby goats--kids--were born, I got see them in their first 24 hours! They are so soft, so cuddly. Their tails just wag/shake in excitement and curiosity! The momma makes interesting "momma noises" to her babies which melts my heart.
Psalm 67:5-7
Let the peoples praise You, O God; let all the peoples praise You. The earth has yielded its produce; God, our God, blesses us. God blesses us, that all the ends of the earth may fear Him.
All of these senses dive into my Heart
I began my new adventure at HUGS ranch May 3rd. These first few weeks have been a time to get orientated to my new place of work. Learning the ins and outs of a new place always has it's learning curve. Lisa and Jill have been so gracious and kind to spend time showing me around the ranch, and sharing about their vision and passion.
It's kinda hard to describe a "typical" day, since as I sit here to write it out I am finding it difficult to think of two days alike! Since I am the first "full time" volunteer at HUGS Ranch this is a new adventure for all of us! They have never had someone come everyday for all day so we are in the process of working out a daily schedule of responsibilities and horse time. As I write this it seems like it ought to be a pretty simple and smooth process, but any of you who have begun a new ministry or project can understand there are lots of details to juggle and prioritize. Here's a glimpse of what has been going on:
1. I have eagerly taken on the responsibilities for the buildings and grounds. Between the the three of us we have complied a list of over 60 short term projects and a half dozen or so long term projects! As I said to Lisa, I too have a list at home of "things to do", and the ranch is a lot bigger and broader in it's scope of operation so the number is no big surprise. Some of the projects that have already been finished include fixing gate latches, putting up the new hose hanger, repairing electrical fences, and general spring clean up. Both Lisa and Jill have spent individual time with me in this area in compiling, dreaming, researching, and in purchasing needed items to complete projects.
2. On Monday morning I facilitate a Bible Study that includes Lisa, Jill--and last week 2 other ladies joined!
3. I am learning the feeding schedule of the horses, both in the morning and in the evening.
4. Being a Red Cross Instructor I am going to teach a CPR/FA/AED class for the ranch staff as well as any volunteers that would like to attend. This will be in June for two Tuesday nights.
5. On Thursday mornings starting the middle of June the ranch has Jr Volunteers and Wranglers come to spend time at the ranch. These are young adults between the ages of 11-18 that want to volunteer their time to help out the ranch as well as hang out with horses. I am excited to have the privilege of leading the spiritual emphasis portion! I have an idea of what I would like to do...now to get it organized and written out! What a privilege and responsibility to introduce them to Jesus and encourage them to begin a relationship with Jesus Christ, and/or then share and learn together ways in which we walk daily with Him as well!
6. Working with the horses is very important. They need to get to know me too! Everything from spending time feeding and grooming them, to working on the lunge line in the round pen, to riding is essential. This not only helps me to get to know the horses and their personalities, but establishes a good working relationship bond as well.
7. Twice a week I hop on the tractor to drag the arena :-). This, is most certainly a chore I look forward too! I'm even using my creative skills to hook up two harrows into one to not only be more efficient with time and diesel, but hopefully I can drive out with ZERO tractor markings. I love the look and smell of freshly tilled soil :-).
I believe this gives you an idea of what I have been up to the last few weeks. It has been good to get an Excel spreadsheet made up of the projects and to organize them in order of priority as well as planning out some of the bigger projects to do in the future. I know that once the ranch opens my days won't have the freedom to plan and organize like they do now. Monday through Thursday is packed with mentoring sessions, special events, volunteers and visitors. They will be long, but full and satisfying days as well.
PRAISE THE LORD!!!! I am so humbled and grateful to my home church; Trinity Baptist Church for supporting me as their missionary again this season! What a privilege and honor to represent them at HUGS ranch! Not only do I receive this financial blessing, but because the ranch is within commuting distance I am able to live at home and am blessed to be able to stay involved with the Wednesday night children's program at our church and worship with them on Sundays! YEAH!!
I would appreciate your continued prayers for me as I follow the Lord's call for this season of my life. As with all change, there is stretching and growing. My desire is to follow whole heartedly after God and be obedient to the changes that are necessary for growth. I heard an illustration recently which both greatly saddened me and encouraged me. I am like a sponge. You don't really know what is in a sponge until it is squeezed. What comes out of that sponge when it is squeezed is what is in the sponge. What I have been soaking in I may be able to hide on the surface for a while---but when I'm squeezed, the "real me" comes out. Check out Colossians 3 and allow the Spirit to speak to your heart. Pruning, as described in John 15 is not always pleasant, but is very necessary. I can trust the Gardner to prune as much as He knows is needed. I can rest knowing He will never prune too much, or too little. He knows what's best. Ephesians 3 tells us that we are empowered by Christ and He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we could ever ask or think! WOW! All glory goes to Him!!
The ranch officially opens June 14 and I can hardly wait!! The anticipation is growing each day in spending time with precious children and their parents/guardians. I know that I receive much from them, and our prayer at the ranch is they are drawn to Jesus in all that they see, hear, smell, taste and touch.
What a beautiful piece of property HUGS ranch is situated on! It has a great mixture of tree's, grass, flowers, a goat barn, a horse barn, a round pen, an arena and two paddocks. To see the hay field dance in the breeze and watch the tree's sway along is a feast for the eyes in the richness of color, variety, and beauty. Horses, goats (and 2 kids), cats (and 10 kitties), dogs and chickens round out the scenery.
Psalm 19:1-4
The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship. Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known. They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard. Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world.
In the Ears
Daily I hear sounds of chicks peeping, goats bleating, horses nickering, dogs barking, cats meowing, and song birds singing. I hear the sound of a screw gun whirring, the scrape of a pitch fork, a hammer knocking, a lawnmower running, and a tractor purring. It is a beautiful melody of sounds.
Psalm 89:15
Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship, for they will walk in the light of your presence, Lord.
Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship, for they will walk in the light of your presence, Lord.
With the Nose
OK, this is a ranch/farm, so you can pretty much guess ALL the smells..... :-)
Genesis 27:27
Genesis 27:27
Jacob went over and kissed him. And when Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he was finally convinced, and he blessed his son. He said, “Ah! The smell of my son is like the smell of the outdoors, which the Lord has blessed!
Through the mouth
Cat hair, dog hair, horse hair....but more importantly my LUNCH! :-) Sharing my apple core with the horses and goats is fun too....
Genesis 6:21
And be sure to take on board enough food for your family and for all the animals.
In the touch
I have had the enjoyment of grooming each of the horses and talking to them about...well, they know :-). They are such good listeners, and are willing to let one more person in their heart. What a delight to hold and play and watch newborn kitties! It brings such a smile to my face and heart. They are so innocent, so trusting, so cared for by their mamma's. When the baby goats--kids--were born, I got see them in their first 24 hours! They are so soft, so cuddly. Their tails just wag/shake in excitement and curiosity! The momma makes interesting "momma noises" to her babies which melts my heart.
Psalm 67:5-7
Let the peoples praise You, O God; let all the peoples praise You. The earth has yielded its produce; God, our God, blesses us. God blesses us, that all the ends of the earth may fear Him.
All of these senses dive into my Heart
I began my new adventure at HUGS ranch May 3rd. These first few weeks have been a time to get orientated to my new place of work. Learning the ins and outs of a new place always has it's learning curve. Lisa and Jill have been so gracious and kind to spend time showing me around the ranch, and sharing about their vision and passion.
It's kinda hard to describe a "typical" day, since as I sit here to write it out I am finding it difficult to think of two days alike! Since I am the first "full time" volunteer at HUGS Ranch this is a new adventure for all of us! They have never had someone come everyday for all day so we are in the process of working out a daily schedule of responsibilities and horse time. As I write this it seems like it ought to be a pretty simple and smooth process, but any of you who have begun a new ministry or project can understand there are lots of details to juggle and prioritize. Here's a glimpse of what has been going on:
1. I have eagerly taken on the responsibilities for the buildings and grounds. Between the the three of us we have complied a list of over 60 short term projects and a half dozen or so long term projects! As I said to Lisa, I too have a list at home of "things to do", and the ranch is a lot bigger and broader in it's scope of operation so the number is no big surprise. Some of the projects that have already been finished include fixing gate latches, putting up the new hose hanger, repairing electrical fences, and general spring clean up. Both Lisa and Jill have spent individual time with me in this area in compiling, dreaming, researching, and in purchasing needed items to complete projects.
2. On Monday morning I facilitate a Bible Study that includes Lisa, Jill--and last week 2 other ladies joined!
3. I am learning the feeding schedule of the horses, both in the morning and in the evening.
4. Being a Red Cross Instructor I am going to teach a CPR/FA/AED class for the ranch staff as well as any volunteers that would like to attend. This will be in June for two Tuesday nights.
5. On Thursday mornings starting the middle of June the ranch has Jr Volunteers and Wranglers come to spend time at the ranch. These are young adults between the ages of 11-18 that want to volunteer their time to help out the ranch as well as hang out with horses. I am excited to have the privilege of leading the spiritual emphasis portion! I have an idea of what I would like to do...now to get it organized and written out! What a privilege and responsibility to introduce them to Jesus and encourage them to begin a relationship with Jesus Christ, and/or then share and learn together ways in which we walk daily with Him as well!
6. Working with the horses is very important. They need to get to know me too! Everything from spending time feeding and grooming them, to working on the lunge line in the round pen, to riding is essential. This not only helps me to get to know the horses and their personalities, but establishes a good working relationship bond as well.
7. Twice a week I hop on the tractor to drag the arena :-). This, is most certainly a chore I look forward too! I'm even using my creative skills to hook up two harrows into one to not only be more efficient with time and diesel, but hopefully I can drive out with ZERO tractor markings. I love the look and smell of freshly tilled soil :-).
I believe this gives you an idea of what I have been up to the last few weeks. It has been good to get an Excel spreadsheet made up of the projects and to organize them in order of priority as well as planning out some of the bigger projects to do in the future. I know that once the ranch opens my days won't have the freedom to plan and organize like they do now. Monday through Thursday is packed with mentoring sessions, special events, volunteers and visitors. They will be long, but full and satisfying days as well.
PRAISE THE LORD!!!! I am so humbled and grateful to my home church; Trinity Baptist Church for supporting me as their missionary again this season! What a privilege and honor to represent them at HUGS ranch! Not only do I receive this financial blessing, but because the ranch is within commuting distance I am able to live at home and am blessed to be able to stay involved with the Wednesday night children's program at our church and worship with them on Sundays! YEAH!!
I would appreciate your continued prayers for me as I follow the Lord's call for this season of my life. As with all change, there is stretching and growing. My desire is to follow whole heartedly after God and be obedient to the changes that are necessary for growth. I heard an illustration recently which both greatly saddened me and encouraged me. I am like a sponge. You don't really know what is in a sponge until it is squeezed. What comes out of that sponge when it is squeezed is what is in the sponge. What I have been soaking in I may be able to hide on the surface for a while---but when I'm squeezed, the "real me" comes out. Check out Colossians 3 and allow the Spirit to speak to your heart. Pruning, as described in John 15 is not always pleasant, but is very necessary. I can trust the Gardner to prune as much as He knows is needed. I can rest knowing He will never prune too much, or too little. He knows what's best. Ephesians 3 tells us that we are empowered by Christ and He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we could ever ask or think! WOW! All glory goes to Him!!
The ranch officially opens June 14 and I can hardly wait!! The anticipation is growing each day in spending time with precious children and their parents/guardians. I know that I receive much from them, and our prayer at the ranch is they are drawn to Jesus in all that they see, hear, smell, taste and touch.
Keep smilin' and lookin' to Jesus with me! :-)
Friday, April 9, 2010
Surprise, Excitement and Anticipation
Guess what? There is snow on my roof and deck and ground this morning :-). The daffodils are surrounded by beauty, the evergreen trees are clothed in white flakes, and the snow creates a stunning backdrop to my already dazzlingly forsythia bush. I love our Creator! As I stepped outside to breathe in the freshness of the morning, I was greeted by the song birds already sharing their joy and love of life. I truly am blessed!
My last post, if you remember, was in December and here it is April. Time has a unique way of being stretched and compressed all at once doesn't it? Many of you have been praying for me for the Lord's direction in my next step of life. This blog is to share what's been happenin' on the journey. As usual, pour yourself a cup of coffee and settle in for a read :-).
Chapter 1: December 2009
What a joy to be reunited with family, my church family and friends! So much to say, so many pictures to share, and lots of listening to "catch up" on their lives as well! I also undertook the project of finishing my log room and bedroom woodwork. Dad came over and we hung the drywall together, put on the first coat of mud and then I finished it from there. It is now a BEAUTIFUL room that has the walls, ceilings, woodwork and floors completed!! What a joy to sit in that room seeing with my two eyes the finished product what for so many years I had only seen in my "minds eye". My upstairs bedroom was just lacking the woodwork, so while I was finishing the downstairs woodwork I painted the upstairs and Dad and Andrew came over and installed it one day in January while I was at work! Once again it is pure happiness to the eyes to see my bedroom completed as well! I love the contrast of the light green walls and the white trim!
For several years now I have asked the Lord to give me a "word" for the next year that would be a primary focus in my daily spiritual walk. Past words have included faith, grace, and trust to name a few. For 2010 the Lord gave me the word: Compassion. Hmm, wonder what He has in mind for this year?!!
I continued in my earnest prayer (that began in November) to our Father regarding the direction of my next steps. No answer from the Lord yet. Many people asking, many people praying--but no peace in my heart as to where HE wants me to be. I think I know, but I don't want what I want, but what HE wants. Could they be the same? Would they be the same? What if....how come....when will....more questions than answers. A time of settling down from the adventure of this year into the routine of the coming year. I felt in my heart that I would return to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch--I just was not sure of the timing or duration.
I looked up on the Web in Michigan horse ranch's that had a similar ministry as CPYR. There are, in fact, several in our state. There was one located in Jamestown, called H.U.G.S. Ranch, about 45 minutes away that I felt impressed to visit. My desire was to hang out with their horses (can you believe that I have fallen for horses so quickly? :-) ) and to be an encouragement to them as well. It was great to meet Jill and take a tour of the ranch and to chat for a while. I think it was one of the coldest days of December outside, but truly it was warm fellowship as we shared our hearts!!
Christmas was a fabulous time of the best cookin' ever (my sisters Pam and Donna and my sister-in-law Melissa sure cook up a feast for the holidays!) and lots of laughter and hangin' out! I really enjoyed the special services at church, and the Christmas play too!
Chapter 2: January 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
I met with my previous employers Ritsema Associates in December for a job interview. Before I even met with them I had a job! WOW! What a blessing! As I shared where my heart was, I asked if I could return to work in the field and when God led me to my next adventure, to give a two weeks notice and then take off. Bill agreed and was (and is) very supportive of what God is doing in my life. This was my first answer to prayer--employment that would be steady, with the honesty of sharing that it would not be permanent. My first months were in a medical facility where I began the learning process of metal stud framing. My last month has been at learning facility in the medical sciences where I have been doing a lot of general labor as well as acoustical ceilings. Its been fun to work with the guys and see what it is really like to be a part of a building coming together!
I continued in my earnest prayer (that began in November) to our Father regarding the direction of my next steps. No answer from the Lord yet. Many people asking, many people praying--but no peace in my heart as to where HE wants me to be. I think I know, but I don't want what I want, but what HE wants. Could they be the same? Would they be the same? What if....how come....when will....more questions than answers. A time of settling down from the adventure of the last year into the routine of this year. I felt in my heart that I would return to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch--I just was not sure of the timing or duration. I began to hunker down in the bunker of trust, of speaking the truth and leaning on Him.
I was invited to be one of the sponsors for the Teen Retreat from our church. What a blast! What a great group of kids! What a challenge from the speaker!
Birthday celebrations, dinner invitations and several sleepovers with my nieces and nephews kept me hoppin'. I asked my sister if I could help out in our children's program at church and she said Yes! Its great to be back with "my church kids" again! Yup, they've grown up since I last saw them, and their enthusiasm and love for Jesus is great to see!
Chapter 3: February
I continued in my earnest prayer (that began last November) to our Father regarding the direction of my next steps. No answer from the Lord yet. Many people asking, many people praying--but no peace in my heart as to where HE wants me to be. I think I know, but I don't want what I want, but what HE wants. Could they be the same? Would they be the same? What if....how come....when will....more questions than answers. A time of settling down from the adventure of the last year into the routine of this year. I felt in my heart that I would return to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch--I just was not sure of the timing or duration. I began to hunker down in the bunker of trust, of speaking the truth and leaning on Him. This bunker of trust seems small, confined and not much fun. When Lord will you speak? Many memories and times of reflection going on in my heart from experiences at CPYR. It was a year of growth--deep growth-- and not all of it was easy. And, there were parts of it I still didn't understand and they bothered me, caused me to question myself, others and God. I cried out to the Lord for peace, assurance, and answers to my hearts hurts, questions and falterings. This was a time of choosing to be totally surrendered in ALL area's of my life. To not find "my" way of escape, but to look, ask, seek and follow His way of escape (I Corinthians 10:13). Words easy to write, but hard to live.
!!PRAISE!!!!!!!!!!PRAISE!! A man gave me a generous check this month which will cover my house payments....AGAIN---just like last year He used a lady to do the same thing! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How AMAZING is our Father? More amazing then I could ever dream--He is giving me life--more abundantly:
As John 10:10 says:
(King James Version)
10"The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."
(New Living Translation)
10 "The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life."
Praise the Lord with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Psalm 40
1 "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. 3 He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord."
I had the privilege of meeting with the Board at H.U.G.S. Ranch to share with them some of my story and have them ask questions of me regarding my time at CPYR so they could get some ideas for their ranch. What an incredible group of ladies with a vision and passion to use horses to reach children and their parents.
More sleep-overs, and good times hangin' out with friends and family.
Chapter 4: March
I continued in my earnest prayer (that began last November) to our Father regarding the direction of my next steps. No answer from the Lord yet. Many people asking, many people praying--but no peace in my heart as to where HE wants me to be. I think I know, but I don't want what I want, but what HE wants. Could they be the same? Would they be the same? What if....how come....when will...more questions than answers. A time of settling down from the adventure of the last year into the routine of this year. I felt in my heart that I would return to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch--I just was not sure of the timing or duration. I began to hunker down in the bunker of trust, of speaking the truth and leaning on Him. This bunker of trust seems so very small, confined and not much fun. When Lord will you speak? Many memories and times of reflection going on in my heart from experiences at CPYR. It was a year of growth--deep growth-- and not all of it was easy. And, there were parts of it I still didn't understand and they bothered me, caused me to question myself, others and God. I cried out to the Lord for peace, assurance, and answers to my hearts hurts, questions and falterings. This was a time of choosing to be totally surrendered in ALL area's of my life. To not find "my" way of escape, but to look, ask, seek and follow His way of escape (I Corinthians 10:13). Words easy to write, but hard to live. I will NOT settle for second best! I will not compromise in my trust in my Savior! I will not allow the enemy a foothold, a stronghold, or even a.... A wise friend shared a true story that so impacted me. It has changed my life forever. It went something like this:
A family in Haiti needed a home and a man came to him and said, you can have my home--at half price--all that is in it, and all the land around it. The only exception is one nail above your front door. What a great deal the man thought, so he paid the price the man asked and gave him all the savings he had. A few years later the man came back and said he wanted his house back. What? You gave it to me and I am happy here, so is my family and I won't give it back to you! The man left, only to return a few days later to talk to the owner again. Remember, I sold you the whole house...everything but the one nail above the door. Yes, the owner agreed, you did say that. The man then hung a dead rat on that nail. At first, it was just an eyesore, an inconvenience, but quickly it became more than that. The flies and bugs and flesh eating animals it attracted were bothersome, a little gross and the decaying body was yucky to look at. Then, the stench. It became unbearable, and the family moved out because they could not stand to even live there anymore. The man who owned the nail came back and lived in his house once more. Have I given my whole life to Jesus? All but one nail? Just one tiny little nail that I keep for myself? One area of compromise--so small that it would never be found out, never come back to haunt me, never become public, never be more than just a tiny nail? Haven't I proved this to be true over the past months/years..that I can keep that nail hidden, a secret? Ah, but the enemy DOES comes back and says, that's my nail and he rightfully hangs awful, rotting, stinking, death on it. It invades the WHOLE house, just that one tiny nail. The "great deal" at half price cost the man and his family ALL that they had. The blood of Jesus was shed on the cross so that we can ask for forgiveness and be cleansed from our sin--and give that/those nail(s) to Jesus. What an incredible story! Very convicting.
This was a month for soul searching. A time of "house cleaning"--both literally and heart wise. Movies, books, or possessions that were "nails" were thrown out and forgiveness asked, and received. I surrendered relationships--the biggest area God taught me in last year--to Him including my frustrations, unanswered questions, and the inability to understand the "whys and how comes"--but giving, surrendering and asking forgiveness for each. It was a time of searching to find that balance of community in my life all the while having Him at the center and others in surrounding roles. Choosing to accept the beginnings and endings of life as good even when I don't have the answers. Realizing the peace from the Father on my life and to let go of all those unanswered questions and focus only on Him. It's a process--one that I have begun, and one that I pray by His grace and strength I will continue. I often wear a necklace given to me by a good friend in Oregon. When she gave it to me she told me it reminded her of the process of life--how the boulder opal was formed--and the inner beauty that is created because of it. So it is true with my life. Thank you Father for loving me enough to pursue after me with unconditional love without hesitation and without giving up. For waiting for me to surrender all my nails--which included my earthly goods, as well as relationships. And for You to create that inner beauty that is just a reflection of my Creator.
It was great fun to travel to Illinois to visit with my cousins and their families as well as spend time with my Aunt and Uncle. Never a dull moment that's for sure! Thank you Father for continuing to heal my Aunt. For keeping this earthly blessing around for us to enjoy!
I was challenged to explore other opportunities at our annual Church Ministries conference. This kind of surprised me--but I followed through with the Lord's leading. I sent out correspondence, prayed.... and waited.
Yup, more sleep-overs (can ya tell I love these times!!), church activities, and looking forward to spring!!
I was having my devotions on the 24th in the morning before work. Have you ever had the Lord speak to you through Scripture? Something you may have read dozens or more times before, but at that at time, on that day--it leaped off the page right into your heart? Yes, that is what happened that morning. Proverbs 24: 11-12 say: 11 "Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die; save them as they stagger to their death. 12 Don't excuse yourself by saying, 'Look, we didn't know.' For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve." Immediately the Father told and confirmed for me that I was to volunteer at H.U.G.S. ranch this year. That I was to be a part of this ministry that rescues those who are dying, those who are staggering to their death. We all make choices everyday--we choose either life or death. Deuteronomy 30: 11-20 speaks about this so clearly. I know the context is the children of Israel, yet the principles and truth are the same. God does NOT change--He is the same yesterday, today and forever.
The passage is long, but well worth the reading: 11 “This command I am giving you today is not too difficult for you to understand, and it is not beyond your reach. 12 It is not kept in heaven, so distant that you must ask, ‘Who will go up to heaven and bring it down so we can hear it and obey?’ 13 It is not kept beyond the sea, so far away that you must ask, ‘Who will cross the sea to bring it to us so we can hear it and obey?’ 14 No, the message is very close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart so that you can obey it.
15 “Now listen! Today I am giving you a choice between life and death, between prosperity and disaster. 16 For I command you this day to love the Lord your God and to keep his commands, decrees, and regulations by walking in his ways. If you do this, you will live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you and the land you are about to enter and occupy.
17 “But if your heart turns away and you refuse to listen, and if you are drawn away to serve and worship other gods, 18 then I warn you now that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live a long, good life in the land you are crossing the Jordan to occupy.
19 “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! 20 You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life. And if you love and obey the Lord, you will live long in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.”
Matthew 7:13-14 is a New Testament commentary on this same subject: 13 “You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. 14 But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it."
Chapter 5: April
So, here we are in April! I met with Lisa Carter and Jill Glass (the Co-founders) and chatted briefly a week or so ago and we are planning a time soon that we can sit down and begin to plan how and where they would like me to serve at H.U.G.S. Ranch. I'll keep you posted! I know I will be involved with afternoon horse sessions, and work with Lisa on assisting her with the ranch facilities. We talked of starting with the Ranch on full time volunteer basis the beginning of May so I can get to know and work with their horses and start my "other" responsibilities as well. My excitement and anticipation is growing!!
Here is a link to their website so you can get acquainted with them too! http://hugsranch.org/
2. For people and organizations to know the call of God to partner with H.U.G.S. Ranch financially.
3. For my spiritual, mental, emotional and financial needs.
4. That I would be a faithful servant in all that I am asked/given to do on the Ranch.
Well, that about wraps it up for now...I will write more as the days go by! Thank you for partnering with me. I'd love to hear from you too. My e-mail address is heartshoovesandhope@hotmail.com
My last post, if you remember, was in December and here it is April. Time has a unique way of being stretched and compressed all at once doesn't it? Many of you have been praying for me for the Lord's direction in my next step of life. This blog is to share what's been happenin' on the journey. As usual, pour yourself a cup of coffee and settle in for a read :-).
Chapter 1: December 2009
What a joy to be reunited with family, my church family and friends! So much to say, so many pictures to share, and lots of listening to "catch up" on their lives as well! I also undertook the project of finishing my log room and bedroom woodwork. Dad came over and we hung the drywall together, put on the first coat of mud and then I finished it from there. It is now a BEAUTIFUL room that has the walls, ceilings, woodwork and floors completed!! What a joy to sit in that room seeing with my two eyes the finished product what for so many years I had only seen in my "minds eye". My upstairs bedroom was just lacking the woodwork, so while I was finishing the downstairs woodwork I painted the upstairs and Dad and Andrew came over and installed it one day in January while I was at work! Once again it is pure happiness to the eyes to see my bedroom completed as well! I love the contrast of the light green walls and the white trim!
For several years now I have asked the Lord to give me a "word" for the next year that would be a primary focus in my daily spiritual walk. Past words have included faith, grace, and trust to name a few. For 2010 the Lord gave me the word: Compassion. Hmm, wonder what He has in mind for this year?!!
I continued in my earnest prayer (that began in November) to our Father regarding the direction of my next steps. No answer from the Lord yet. Many people asking, many people praying--but no peace in my heart as to where HE wants me to be. I think I know, but I don't want what I want, but what HE wants. Could they be the same? Would they be the same? What if....how come....when will....more questions than answers. A time of settling down from the adventure of this year into the routine of the coming year. I felt in my heart that I would return to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch--I just was not sure of the timing or duration.
I looked up on the Web in Michigan horse ranch's that had a similar ministry as CPYR. There are, in fact, several in our state. There was one located in Jamestown, called H.U.G.S. Ranch, about 45 minutes away that I felt impressed to visit. My desire was to hang out with their horses (can you believe that I have fallen for horses so quickly? :-) ) and to be an encouragement to them as well. It was great to meet Jill and take a tour of the ranch and to chat for a while. I think it was one of the coldest days of December outside, but truly it was warm fellowship as we shared our hearts!!
Christmas was a fabulous time of the best cookin' ever (my sisters Pam and Donna and my sister-in-law Melissa sure cook up a feast for the holidays!) and lots of laughter and hangin' out! I really enjoyed the special services at church, and the Christmas play too!
Chapter 2: January 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
I met with my previous employers Ritsema Associates in December for a job interview. Before I even met with them I had a job! WOW! What a blessing! As I shared where my heart was, I asked if I could return to work in the field and when God led me to my next adventure, to give a two weeks notice and then take off. Bill agreed and was (and is) very supportive of what God is doing in my life. This was my first answer to prayer--employment that would be steady, with the honesty of sharing that it would not be permanent. My first months were in a medical facility where I began the learning process of metal stud framing. My last month has been at learning facility in the medical sciences where I have been doing a lot of general labor as well as acoustical ceilings. Its been fun to work with the guys and see what it is really like to be a part of a building coming together!
I continued in my earnest prayer (that began in November) to our Father regarding the direction of my next steps. No answer from the Lord yet. Many people asking, many people praying--but no peace in my heart as to where HE wants me to be. I think I know, but I don't want what I want, but what HE wants. Could they be the same? Would they be the same? What if....how come....when will....more questions than answers. A time of settling down from the adventure of the last year into the routine of this year. I felt in my heart that I would return to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch--I just was not sure of the timing or duration. I began to hunker down in the bunker of trust, of speaking the truth and leaning on Him.
I was invited to be one of the sponsors for the Teen Retreat from our church. What a blast! What a great group of kids! What a challenge from the speaker!
Birthday celebrations, dinner invitations and several sleepovers with my nieces and nephews kept me hoppin'. I asked my sister if I could help out in our children's program at church and she said Yes! Its great to be back with "my church kids" again! Yup, they've grown up since I last saw them, and their enthusiasm and love for Jesus is great to see!
Chapter 3: February
I continued in my earnest prayer (that began last November) to our Father regarding the direction of my next steps. No answer from the Lord yet. Many people asking, many people praying--but no peace in my heart as to where HE wants me to be. I think I know, but I don't want what I want, but what HE wants. Could they be the same? Would they be the same? What if....how come....when will....more questions than answers. A time of settling down from the adventure of the last year into the routine of this year. I felt in my heart that I would return to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch--I just was not sure of the timing or duration. I began to hunker down in the bunker of trust, of speaking the truth and leaning on Him. This bunker of trust seems small, confined and not much fun. When Lord will you speak? Many memories and times of reflection going on in my heart from experiences at CPYR. It was a year of growth--deep growth-- and not all of it was easy. And, there were parts of it I still didn't understand and they bothered me, caused me to question myself, others and God. I cried out to the Lord for peace, assurance, and answers to my hearts hurts, questions and falterings. This was a time of choosing to be totally surrendered in ALL area's of my life. To not find "my" way of escape, but to look, ask, seek and follow His way of escape (I Corinthians 10:13). Words easy to write, but hard to live.
!!PRAISE!!!!!!!!!!PRAISE!! A man gave me a generous check this month which will cover my house payments....AGAIN---just like last year He used a lady to do the same thing! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How AMAZING is our Father? More amazing then I could ever dream--He is giving me life--more abundantly:
As John 10:10 says:
(King James Version)
10"The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."
(New Living Translation)
10 "The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life."
Praise the Lord with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Psalm 40
1 "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. 3 He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord."
I had the privilege of meeting with the Board at H.U.G.S. Ranch to share with them some of my story and have them ask questions of me regarding my time at CPYR so they could get some ideas for their ranch. What an incredible group of ladies with a vision and passion to use horses to reach children and their parents.
More sleep-overs, and good times hangin' out with friends and family.
Chapter 4: March
I continued in my earnest prayer (that began last November) to our Father regarding the direction of my next steps. No answer from the Lord yet. Many people asking, many people praying--but no peace in my heart as to where HE wants me to be. I think I know, but I don't want what I want, but what HE wants. Could they be the same? Would they be the same? What if....how come....when will...more questions than answers. A time of settling down from the adventure of the last year into the routine of this year. I felt in my heart that I would return to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch--I just was not sure of the timing or duration. I began to hunker down in the bunker of trust, of speaking the truth and leaning on Him. This bunker of trust seems so very small, confined and not much fun. When Lord will you speak? Many memories and times of reflection going on in my heart from experiences at CPYR. It was a year of growth--deep growth-- and not all of it was easy. And, there were parts of it I still didn't understand and they bothered me, caused me to question myself, others and God. I cried out to the Lord for peace, assurance, and answers to my hearts hurts, questions and falterings. This was a time of choosing to be totally surrendered in ALL area's of my life. To not find "my" way of escape, but to look, ask, seek and follow His way of escape (I Corinthians 10:13). Words easy to write, but hard to live. I will NOT settle for second best! I will not compromise in my trust in my Savior! I will not allow the enemy a foothold, a stronghold, or even a.... A wise friend shared a true story that so impacted me. It has changed my life forever. It went something like this:
A family in Haiti needed a home and a man came to him and said, you can have my home--at half price--all that is in it, and all the land around it. The only exception is one nail above your front door. What a great deal the man thought, so he paid the price the man asked and gave him all the savings he had. A few years later the man came back and said he wanted his house back. What? You gave it to me and I am happy here, so is my family and I won't give it back to you! The man left, only to return a few days later to talk to the owner again. Remember, I sold you the whole house...everything but the one nail above the door. Yes, the owner agreed, you did say that. The man then hung a dead rat on that nail. At first, it was just an eyesore, an inconvenience, but quickly it became more than that. The flies and bugs and flesh eating animals it attracted were bothersome, a little gross and the decaying body was yucky to look at. Then, the stench. It became unbearable, and the family moved out because they could not stand to even live there anymore. The man who owned the nail came back and lived in his house once more. Have I given my whole life to Jesus? All but one nail? Just one tiny little nail that I keep for myself? One area of compromise--so small that it would never be found out, never come back to haunt me, never become public, never be more than just a tiny nail? Haven't I proved this to be true over the past months/years..that I can keep that nail hidden, a secret? Ah, but the enemy DOES comes back and says, that's my nail and he rightfully hangs awful, rotting, stinking, death on it. It invades the WHOLE house, just that one tiny nail. The "great deal" at half price cost the man and his family ALL that they had. The blood of Jesus was shed on the cross so that we can ask for forgiveness and be cleansed from our sin--and give that/those nail(s) to Jesus. What an incredible story! Very convicting.
This was a month for soul searching. A time of "house cleaning"--both literally and heart wise. Movies, books, or possessions that were "nails" were thrown out and forgiveness asked, and received. I surrendered relationships--the biggest area God taught me in last year--to Him including my frustrations, unanswered questions, and the inability to understand the "whys and how comes"--but giving, surrendering and asking forgiveness for each. It was a time of searching to find that balance of community in my life all the while having Him at the center and others in surrounding roles. Choosing to accept the beginnings and endings of life as good even when I don't have the answers. Realizing the peace from the Father on my life and to let go of all those unanswered questions and focus only on Him. It's a process--one that I have begun, and one that I pray by His grace and strength I will continue. I often wear a necklace given to me by a good friend in Oregon. When she gave it to me she told me it reminded her of the process of life--how the boulder opal was formed--and the inner beauty that is created because of it. So it is true with my life. Thank you Father for loving me enough to pursue after me with unconditional love without hesitation and without giving up. For waiting for me to surrender all my nails--which included my earthly goods, as well as relationships. And for You to create that inner beauty that is just a reflection of my Creator.
It was great fun to travel to Illinois to visit with my cousins and their families as well as spend time with my Aunt and Uncle. Never a dull moment that's for sure! Thank you Father for continuing to heal my Aunt. For keeping this earthly blessing around for us to enjoy!
I was challenged to explore other opportunities at our annual Church Ministries conference. This kind of surprised me--but I followed through with the Lord's leading. I sent out correspondence, prayed.... and waited.
Yup, more sleep-overs (can ya tell I love these times!!), church activities, and looking forward to spring!!
I was having my devotions on the 24th in the morning before work. Have you ever had the Lord speak to you through Scripture? Something you may have read dozens or more times before, but at that at time, on that day--it leaped off the page right into your heart? Yes, that is what happened that morning. Proverbs 24: 11-12 say: 11 "Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die; save them as they stagger to their death. 12 Don't excuse yourself by saying, 'Look, we didn't know.' For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve." Immediately the Father told and confirmed for me that I was to volunteer at H.U.G.S. ranch this year. That I was to be a part of this ministry that rescues those who are dying, those who are staggering to their death. We all make choices everyday--we choose either life or death. Deuteronomy 30: 11-20 speaks about this so clearly. I know the context is the children of Israel, yet the principles and truth are the same. God does NOT change--He is the same yesterday, today and forever.
The passage is long, but well worth the reading: 11 “This command I am giving you today is not too difficult for you to understand, and it is not beyond your reach. 12 It is not kept in heaven, so distant that you must ask, ‘Who will go up to heaven and bring it down so we can hear it and obey?’ 13 It is not kept beyond the sea, so far away that you must ask, ‘Who will cross the sea to bring it to us so we can hear it and obey?’ 14 No, the message is very close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart so that you can obey it.
15 “Now listen! Today I am giving you a choice between life and death, between prosperity and disaster. 16 For I command you this day to love the Lord your God and to keep his commands, decrees, and regulations by walking in his ways. If you do this, you will live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you and the land you are about to enter and occupy.
17 “But if your heart turns away and you refuse to listen, and if you are drawn away to serve and worship other gods, 18 then I warn you now that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live a long, good life in the land you are crossing the Jordan to occupy.
19 “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! 20 You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life. And if you love and obey the Lord, you will live long in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.”
Matthew 7:13-14 is a New Testament commentary on this same subject: 13 “You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. 14 But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it."
I was also led to Isaiah 58 which added depth and breadth and width to what the Lord just spoke through Proverbs. I won't type it out here, but I encourage you to read it for yourself.
This year I was to share at H.U.G.S. Ranch the life that is offered to all from Jesus.Verse 12 in Proverbs 24 immediately reminded me of my word Compassion for 2010. It is my hearts desire to be compassionate, and the Lord knows this, and this verse just confirmed and gave "feet" to my word for the year.
My heart just soared! The King of kings and Lord of lords spoke to me!! He answered my prayers, as well as the prayers of many faithful friends and family! The peace of God settled in my heart, and a bubbling fountain of joy sprang up. The time of waiting for direction was over.Chapter 5: April
So, here we are in April! I met with Lisa Carter and Jill Glass (the Co-founders) and chatted briefly a week or so ago and we are planning a time soon that we can sit down and begin to plan how and where they would like me to serve at H.U.G.S. Ranch. I'll keep you posted! I know I will be involved with afternoon horse sessions, and work with Lisa on assisting her with the ranch facilities. We talked of starting with the Ranch on full time volunteer basis the beginning of May so I can get to know and work with their horses and start my "other" responsibilities as well. My excitement and anticipation is growing!!
Here is a link to their website so you can get acquainted with them too! http://hugsranch.org/
Yes, there are a lot of unknowns--but there is peace in the unknown. I suspect I won't have all of your or my questions answered according to "my" timetable, but that is just perfect. You see, I am fully desiring to be on HIS timetable, and to follow HIS ways. Just in the right time it will all come together.
I would appreciate your continued prayers for the following:
1. For Lisa and Jill and the board as they seek God's direction for the Ranch this year.2. For people and organizations to know the call of God to partner with H.U.G.S. Ranch financially.
3. For my spiritual, mental, emotional and financial needs.
4. That I would be a faithful servant in all that I am asked/given to do on the Ranch.
Well, that about wraps it up for now...I will write more as the days go by! Thank you for partnering with me. I'd love to hear from you too. My e-mail address is heartshoovesandhope@hotmail.com
Keep smilin' and lookin' to Jesus with me!
Friday, December 11, 2009
The Final Chapter from Oregon in 2009
I wanted to write a final chapter from my season of life at Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch. My time in Oregon has ended, and I am now sitting in my house in MI watching huge beautiful snowflakes come down while I write this. Yes, it is a chapter in my life’s story that has ended—but that just means that another chapter is beginning! This is not THE end, just an ending. A beginning of a NEW chapter!
My thoughts go in two different directions. First, I want to share with you from my heart. It is you, those who have supported and stood by me that share in this heart journey of mine. You have had a part in my life changing—forever—and for lives at the ranch being changed as well. Thank you for your part—I am humbly honored to be a recipient of your gifts. Secondly, I want to share some parting photos and thoughts as our ranch program wound down for the year. It was bittersweet to leave the new friends I made.
So, as you are probably used to by now, strap yourself in for this read. Get a cup of coffee or tea and settle in for a lengthy blog. My prayer is that He gets the glory, and when you are finished, your heart burns and longs and seeks Him more.
PART 1
Hoof beats. What comes to your mind when you read that? Probably an image of a horse. Then, as you think about it, it is not just the image, it is the sound. The sound of a horse, or a group of horses running, galloping, frolicking together. As you think more, it goes even deeper. It is about a community, relationships, and family. Horses are herd animals…meaning they are social creatures that require and desire interaction with others.
When I left Michigan and headed to Oregon I had much to ponder. I knew in my head that this was going to be an adventure of epic proportions. I knew horses had two ears and two eyes (usually), four legs and one tail—but that was about the extent of my horse knowledge. I had every confidence I would learn about horses, and maybe even grow to love them. There was no doubt that I loved children deeply and I was looking forward to spending time with them. I was looking forward to exploring God’s amazing creation on foot, on bike and on my motorcycle. What I didn’t factor in was the ranch staff. It wasn’t very long after arriving at Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch that it was very evident they were a family, a herd. Yes, there were individuals who had assigned duties and tasks that were done separately—yet looking deeper, not really. The longer I was there, the clearer it became that they worked together as a unit. They shared everything—and I mean everything. From the Starbucks coffee cup they were drinking out of, to creative administrative ideas, to working together on outdoor projects, to training and riding horses, to how they shared together in their walk of faith with God. From laughter to tears; from the hard times to the ecstatic times; from the times of struggles and challenges to the successes and victories; all were shared. There was an openness and accountability with each other in many areas of their personal and work lives. They, as a ranch family were committed to each other and put God and His principles first, others second and themselves last.
This was all slightly, well no, MAJORLY foreign to me. I’m a bit more hesitant and reluctant and sometimes have outright refused to live in such an open way. Part of how this came to be was as a defense mechanism, part as a matter of survival, and part, how I was raised. None of this excuses or rationalizes anything. I am no longer a child, and I have been able for a long time to make choices. A friend once told me: Your response is your responsibility.
As a newcomer, there seems to be this “dance” at the beginning of a relationship where they (CPYR) were checking me out, and, yes, I was doing the same with them. Their “dance” was short—and I was told with both words and actions that I was accepted wholeheartedly as part of the “CPYR herd” within days of arrival. I, on the other hand was not so gracious. I deep down wanted to be part of the herd—but only with some of my own terms. I wanted to keep what was “mine”. MY areas of pride, self sufficiency, and nicely hidden closets of my past and present.
What do you think happened?
We are such a “me” society. A “me culture”. It’s all about me. What I need, what I want, what I have, what I want to give you, what I possess, what I’ve done, where I’ve gone…I know you are tracking with me. We are bombarded by the TV and movies we watch, the books and magazines we read, and even the news shows we find so necessary to stay up on. Many themes are centered on how we can make our houses, cars, vacations, physical and mental bodies cleaner, better, healthier, prettier, or more stylish. The focus has shifted from “what about them, or how can I make help/make a difference with them”, to “what about me, and how I can help/make a difference in me”.
I was living in that “me-ism”. But, I rationalized, I was better than _________ because I didn’t have the extra house to vacation in, or a boat on the lake. I didn’t have the latest and greatest lawnmower, fashion clothes, vehicle, or decorations in my house. I volunteered, I gave money to charities, I was better then “them”. I didn’t see myself as isolated or insulated, prejudiced or prideful. It wasn’t like I lived as a hermit, I mean I led Bible Studies, was involved in the children’s program at church, had a job that required me to do lots of training, networking and use interpersonal skills. It wasn’t like I never shared myself with others. However, it was done on my terms. What or when I wanted to share or not to share. What or when I wanted to buy or not buy. I think you get the drift. It was all about me.
So, (meanwhile, back at the ranch :-) ) you can now begin to understand the inward struggle and my outward responses. You probably have read my blog up to this point, so I am not going to repeat what the Lord has been teaching/changing/molding in me. To summarize, I would say the first few months God’s focus was on my past—realizing that life is a process, that there are layers that He will always continue to peel back because He desires me to be more like Him. He wants me to release my past, and to let it go, layer by layer. To learn how to receive from Him, and from others. The middle months of my time in Oregon centered around my head injury and the healing process. I am not who I am because of what I can accomplish or tasks I can complete, I am who I am because of Who lives inside me, and Who wants every part of me surrendered to Him—including my “doing” parts. Relationships are so important—in fact vital and foundational for life. Jesus Christ was all about relationships—and while building and maintaining and loving and growing them He “did” miracles, or took boat rides, or ate meals. The last months at the ranch the Father’s focus was on my day to day living. It was not on the past, nor on relationships (and I could just as easily use the word community here), it was on how I lived and responded to life each day.
I attended Sisters Community Church while in Oregon and Pastor Tim repeated over and over and over again something I didn’t really “hear” until my drive home with Anna. It was during our conversations together that what was going on in my heart the last few months came in to focus by the power of the Holy Spirit. My heart was so convicted, and full of grief. Here are his words as I remember them: My behavior reveals what my beliefs truly are. I’ll repeat it again since it has taken me so long to begin to get it: my behavior reveals what my beliefs truly are. My negative, selfish, angry or prideful habits or attitudes are NOT a result of my “not feeling good health wise today”, or my financial situation, or “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed” or “someone hurt my feelings today”. My sarcastic or snippy or critical or judgmental words are not able to be rationalized away because of my background, or that is “how we normally talk to each other”, or, “I was just joking”, or “if they wouldn’t of said/done that to me then I wouldn’t of said/done that to them”, or “at least I am not as bad as _________”. Practically speaking then, when I say with my mouth that I believe in being kind, considerate, loving, gentle, tolerant, forgiving, etc--- it is only lip service (religion) and not truly my belief system when I act contrary. For what I REALLY, TRULY believe in my heart, is proved in my words and actions. Luke 6:45 says: “A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.” In the verses prior to this, Jesus talks very plainly about our outward behaviors—and how they too will show what kind of person we really are. Do I love people, do I do good to them, and do I lend or give money to them for what I get in return? Do I judge, and condemn others, or do I forgive? Luke 6:43-44 says: “A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. A tree is identified by its fruit. Figs are never gathered from thornbushes, and grapes are not picked from bramble bushes.”
I went for a walk with a friend of mine a few days before I left and later she followed up/summed up the conversation with an email saying: “Jane, what you say isn’t good enough. It’s time to practice what God has been pouring into your heart. As I said when we were walking, it is not enough for us to KNOW the right thing to do . . . until we DO the right thing to do. Gods' Word is ineffective in our lives if it doesn't change our hearts, which in turn, changes our actions. It is not enough for me to say that God is changing my heart and filling it with His love . . . if I continue to choose to speak negatively about others. What others know--by my actions--is that I am speaking out of my human yuck instead of God's grace.” How incredibly honest she was with me. Yes, it made me angry at first—a pouncing poignant indication “my rights” were being stepped on. Oh what a sinful wretch I am! BUT, Praise God!! Our Heavenly Father’s great grace and mercy and kindness that leads to repentance penetrated into my heart by the Holy Spirit’s power and I have repented, and am asking Him to change my heart. To change my heart so God’s truths are reflected in my behaviors. That my behaviors reveal to the glory of God what my beliefs truly are (His ways, His truths, His Word lived out daily).
I’m don’t want to talk more about the above—for I am just days into my journey. I don’t want to talk about me anymore—my desire is to focus on Jesus Christ. I do ask from anyone who is reading this for your forgiveness if I have in any way sinned in our relationship. My desire is to make this right with you. I would ask you to please write or call me if you want to talk about it. I want to personally and purposefully come back to being a part of the herd, the family, the community with you. My desire and prayer is not: Lord change my heart, so I am “better”. It is: Lord change my heart so YOU can accomplish YOUR will in my heart. Check out the words Jesus says to conclude his talk in Luke 6:46-49 “So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ When you don’t do what I say? I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.”
Hoof beats. A herd. A family. Thank you CPYR for the privilege of being part of your herd these last 8 months. I am forever changed by the King of our herd: Jesus Christ. I am so deeply grateful to each of you. I love you all.
PART 2
Yes, being back in MI is bittersweet. It is not just the children and their families that I miss; I miss my horse family as well. I miss the laughter, joy and craziness of children. Talking, playing games, swinging, or just hangin’ out. I miss the sweet smell of horses. To bury my nose in their mane, or hair and smell and feel their breath on my face. Love is such an incredible gift. The love of people and the love of horses.
It would be impossible for me to recount the Mom’s, Dad’s, guardians, friends, and children who blessed me by their words and actions these months. Many tears were shed—tears of joy for what the Lord has done, as well as tears of sadness because physically we would be far apart. True, I was so looking forward to seeing my family back home in MI—but that didn’t ease the pain of saying “see you later” to those in Oregon.
I have literally hundreds and hundreds (if not thousands!!) of pictures I could share. A special thanks to all those who shared pictures with me! I hope these bless your heart, bring a smile to your face, and bring out the kid in ya :-).
My thoughts go in two different directions. First, I want to share with you from my heart. It is you, those who have supported and stood by me that share in this heart journey of mine. You have had a part in my life changing—forever—and for lives at the ranch being changed as well. Thank you for your part—I am humbly honored to be a recipient of your gifts. Secondly, I want to share some parting photos and thoughts as our ranch program wound down for the year. It was bittersweet to leave the new friends I made.
So, as you are probably used to by now, strap yourself in for this read. Get a cup of coffee or tea and settle in for a lengthy blog. My prayer is that He gets the glory, and when you are finished, your heart burns and longs and seeks Him more.
PART 1
Hoof beats. What comes to your mind when you read that? Probably an image of a horse. Then, as you think about it, it is not just the image, it is the sound. The sound of a horse, or a group of horses running, galloping, frolicking together. As you think more, it goes even deeper. It is about a community, relationships, and family. Horses are herd animals…meaning they are social creatures that require and desire interaction with others.
When I left Michigan and headed to Oregon I had much to ponder. I knew in my head that this was going to be an adventure of epic proportions. I knew horses had two ears and two eyes (usually), four legs and one tail—but that was about the extent of my horse knowledge. I had every confidence I would learn about horses, and maybe even grow to love them. There was no doubt that I loved children deeply and I was looking forward to spending time with them. I was looking forward to exploring God’s amazing creation on foot, on bike and on my motorcycle. What I didn’t factor in was the ranch staff. It wasn’t very long after arriving at Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch that it was very evident they were a family, a herd. Yes, there were individuals who had assigned duties and tasks that were done separately—yet looking deeper, not really. The longer I was there, the clearer it became that they worked together as a unit. They shared everything—and I mean everything. From the Starbucks coffee cup they were drinking out of, to creative administrative ideas, to working together on outdoor projects, to training and riding horses, to how they shared together in their walk of faith with God. From laughter to tears; from the hard times to the ecstatic times; from the times of struggles and challenges to the successes and victories; all were shared. There was an openness and accountability with each other in many areas of their personal and work lives. They, as a ranch family were committed to each other and put God and His principles first, others second and themselves last.
This was all slightly, well no, MAJORLY foreign to me. I’m a bit more hesitant and reluctant and sometimes have outright refused to live in such an open way. Part of how this came to be was as a defense mechanism, part as a matter of survival, and part, how I was raised. None of this excuses or rationalizes anything. I am no longer a child, and I have been able for a long time to make choices. A friend once told me: Your response is your responsibility.
As a newcomer, there seems to be this “dance” at the beginning of a relationship where they (CPYR) were checking me out, and, yes, I was doing the same with them. Their “dance” was short—and I was told with both words and actions that I was accepted wholeheartedly as part of the “CPYR herd” within days of arrival. I, on the other hand was not so gracious. I deep down wanted to be part of the herd—but only with some of my own terms. I wanted to keep what was “mine”. MY areas of pride, self sufficiency, and nicely hidden closets of my past and present.
What do you think happened?
We are such a “me” society. A “me culture”. It’s all about me. What I need, what I want, what I have, what I want to give you, what I possess, what I’ve done, where I’ve gone…I know you are tracking with me. We are bombarded by the TV and movies we watch, the books and magazines we read, and even the news shows we find so necessary to stay up on. Many themes are centered on how we can make our houses, cars, vacations, physical and mental bodies cleaner, better, healthier, prettier, or more stylish. The focus has shifted from “what about them, or how can I make help/make a difference with them”, to “what about me, and how I can help/make a difference in me”.
I was living in that “me-ism”. But, I rationalized, I was better than _________ because I didn’t have the extra house to vacation in, or a boat on the lake. I didn’t have the latest and greatest lawnmower, fashion clothes, vehicle, or decorations in my house. I volunteered, I gave money to charities, I was better then “them”. I didn’t see myself as isolated or insulated, prejudiced or prideful. It wasn’t like I lived as a hermit, I mean I led Bible Studies, was involved in the children’s program at church, had a job that required me to do lots of training, networking and use interpersonal skills. It wasn’t like I never shared myself with others. However, it was done on my terms. What or when I wanted to share or not to share. What or when I wanted to buy or not buy. I think you get the drift. It was all about me.
So, (meanwhile, back at the ranch :-) ) you can now begin to understand the inward struggle and my outward responses. You probably have read my blog up to this point, so I am not going to repeat what the Lord has been teaching/changing/molding in me. To summarize, I would say the first few months God’s focus was on my past—realizing that life is a process, that there are layers that He will always continue to peel back because He desires me to be more like Him. He wants me to release my past, and to let it go, layer by layer. To learn how to receive from Him, and from others. The middle months of my time in Oregon centered around my head injury and the healing process. I am not who I am because of what I can accomplish or tasks I can complete, I am who I am because of Who lives inside me, and Who wants every part of me surrendered to Him—including my “doing” parts. Relationships are so important—in fact vital and foundational for life. Jesus Christ was all about relationships—and while building and maintaining and loving and growing them He “did” miracles, or took boat rides, or ate meals. The last months at the ranch the Father’s focus was on my day to day living. It was not on the past, nor on relationships (and I could just as easily use the word community here), it was on how I lived and responded to life each day.
I attended Sisters Community Church while in Oregon and Pastor Tim repeated over and over and over again something I didn’t really “hear” until my drive home with Anna. It was during our conversations together that what was going on in my heart the last few months came in to focus by the power of the Holy Spirit. My heart was so convicted, and full of grief. Here are his words as I remember them: My behavior reveals what my beliefs truly are. I’ll repeat it again since it has taken me so long to begin to get it: my behavior reveals what my beliefs truly are. My negative, selfish, angry or prideful habits or attitudes are NOT a result of my “not feeling good health wise today”, or my financial situation, or “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed” or “someone hurt my feelings today”. My sarcastic or snippy or critical or judgmental words are not able to be rationalized away because of my background, or that is “how we normally talk to each other”, or, “I was just joking”, or “if they wouldn’t of said/done that to me then I wouldn’t of said/done that to them”, or “at least I am not as bad as _________”. Practically speaking then, when I say with my mouth that I believe in being kind, considerate, loving, gentle, tolerant, forgiving, etc--- it is only lip service (religion) and not truly my belief system when I act contrary. For what I REALLY, TRULY believe in my heart, is proved in my words and actions. Luke 6:45 says: “A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.” In the verses prior to this, Jesus talks very plainly about our outward behaviors—and how they too will show what kind of person we really are. Do I love people, do I do good to them, and do I lend or give money to them for what I get in return? Do I judge, and condemn others, or do I forgive? Luke 6:43-44 says: “A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. A tree is identified by its fruit. Figs are never gathered from thornbushes, and grapes are not picked from bramble bushes.”
I went for a walk with a friend of mine a few days before I left and later she followed up/summed up the conversation with an email saying: “Jane, what you say isn’t good enough. It’s time to practice what God has been pouring into your heart. As I said when we were walking, it is not enough for us to KNOW the right thing to do . . . until we DO the right thing to do. Gods' Word is ineffective in our lives if it doesn't change our hearts, which in turn, changes our actions. It is not enough for me to say that God is changing my heart and filling it with His love . . . if I continue to choose to speak negatively about others. What others know--by my actions--is that I am speaking out of my human yuck instead of God's grace.” How incredibly honest she was with me. Yes, it made me angry at first—a pouncing poignant indication “my rights” were being stepped on. Oh what a sinful wretch I am! BUT, Praise God!! Our Heavenly Father’s great grace and mercy and kindness that leads to repentance penetrated into my heart by the Holy Spirit’s power and I have repented, and am asking Him to change my heart. To change my heart so God’s truths are reflected in my behaviors. That my behaviors reveal to the glory of God what my beliefs truly are (His ways, His truths, His Word lived out daily).
I’m don’t want to talk more about the above—for I am just days into my journey. I don’t want to talk about me anymore—my desire is to focus on Jesus Christ. I do ask from anyone who is reading this for your forgiveness if I have in any way sinned in our relationship. My desire is to make this right with you. I would ask you to please write or call me if you want to talk about it. I want to personally and purposefully come back to being a part of the herd, the family, the community with you. My desire and prayer is not: Lord change my heart, so I am “better”. It is: Lord change my heart so YOU can accomplish YOUR will in my heart. Check out the words Jesus says to conclude his talk in Luke 6:46-49 “So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ When you don’t do what I say? I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.”
Hoof beats. A herd. A family. Thank you CPYR for the privilege of being part of your herd these last 8 months. I am forever changed by the King of our herd: Jesus Christ. I am so deeply grateful to each of you. I love you all.
PART 2
Yes, being back in MI is bittersweet. It is not just the children and their families that I miss; I miss my horse family as well. I miss the laughter, joy and craziness of children. Talking, playing games, swinging, or just hangin’ out. I miss the sweet smell of horses. To bury my nose in their mane, or hair and smell and feel their breath on my face. Love is such an incredible gift. The love of people and the love of horses.
It would be impossible for me to recount the Mom’s, Dad’s, guardians, friends, and children who blessed me by their words and actions these months. Many tears were shed—tears of joy for what the Lord has done, as well as tears of sadness because physically we would be far apart. True, I was so looking forward to seeing my family back home in MI—but that didn’t ease the pain of saying “see you later” to those in Oregon.
I have literally hundreds and hundreds (if not thousands!!) of pictures I could share. A special thanks to all those who shared pictures with me! I hope these bless your heart, bring a smile to your face, and bring out the kid in ya :-).
Many have asked: what’s next? Am I going to return to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch next year? I have been extended an invitation from them to return next season as a volunteer. Incredible! Thank you Jesus!! You ask: as a volunteer or as staff? The answer is: volunteer. Right now they are not hiring staff for next year. There is the possibility that after I return as a volunteer the Lord may lead them to ask me to be on staff. I have a deep desire to return, and am placing that before Him in prayer. I covet your prayers as well.
This month of December I am working on several things the Lord has told me to do. First, spending much time in prayer and fasting seeking Him and listening to hear His voice of direction. Second, as I am “unpacking” my house I am “simplifying” and giving away those items that I don’t need to keep. Thirdly, I had set aside some savings before I left for OR to Sheetrock and put up the trim in my log room. I also will finish the trim (window and baseboards) work in my bedroom. Fourthly, I am meeting with as many people as I can to share with them about what God has done at the ranch and in my life. It is my privilege and joy to share with others my life that is part of His story.
I am deeply thankful and indebted to all of you who have followed along with me in this journey either via thoughts, prayers, finances, letters, gifts, phone calls, cards…the list goes on. My prayer is that on your journey, you too are aware that you are a part of His story. That your hunger and thirst for righteousness is re-kindled and your heart is turned to Him for change. Together, we will be made more into His image as we listen to His teachings and obey His voice. That we accept and embrace ALL the “processes” in life because it draws us in a closer relationship with Him.
I am not sure when the next entry for this blog will be—but I’m quite sure there will be more to come!!
I close for now with two songs. The first is a hymn, the other a song that was written recently. They both have incredible lyrics.
Channels Only
Lyrics: Mary E. Maxwell
Music: Ada Rose Gibbs
1. How I praise Thee, precious Savior,
That Thy love laid hold of me;
Thou hast saved and cleansed and filled me
That I might Thy channel be.
2. Just a channel full of blessing,
To the thirsty hearts around;
To tell out Thy full salvation
All Thy loving message sound.
3. Emptied that Thou shouldest fill me,
A clean vessel in Thy hand;
With no power but as Thou givest
Graciously with each command.
4. Witnessing Thy power to save me,
Setting free from self and sin;
Thou who boughtest to possess me,
In Thy fullness, Lord, come in.
5. Jesus, fill now with Thy Spirit
Hearts that full surrender know;
That the streams of living water
From our inner self may flow.
Chorus:
Channels only, blessed Master,
But with all Thy wondrous power
Flowing through us, Thou canst use us
Every day and every hour.
Hillsong United lyrics - From The Inside Out
Album: United We Stand (2006)
A thousand times I've failed
1. How I praise Thee, precious Savior,
That Thy love laid hold of me;
Thou hast saved and cleansed and filled me
That I might Thy channel be.
2. Just a channel full of blessing,
To the thirsty hearts around;
To tell out Thy full salvation
All Thy loving message sound.
3. Emptied that Thou shouldest fill me,
A clean vessel in Thy hand;
With no power but as Thou givest
Graciously with each command.
4. Witnessing Thy power to save me,
Setting free from self and sin;
Thou who boughtest to possess me,
In Thy fullness, Lord, come in.
5. Jesus, fill now with Thy Spirit
Hearts that full surrender know;
That the streams of living water
From our inner self may flow.
Chorus:
Channels only, blessed Master,
But with all Thy wondrous power
Flowing through us, Thou canst use us
Every day and every hour.
Hillsong United lyrics - From The Inside Out
Album: United We Stand (2006)
A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
May this Christmas season be the most joyous ever as you celebrate His birth!
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thanksgiving Day!!
Thank you EVERYONE for all your prayers for Anna's and my safe trip home to Michigan!! Gladys (you know, my mini van) and her trailer made it through sun, snow, mountains, and rain just peachy :-).
We had one "mishap". The drivers side front tire had a slow leak and when I was filling it up in Newport, Iowa I noticed the "nail head". YIKES!! So, in the next town, which was Coralville we stopped at a tire store and after an 1.5hr wait they told me the repair was not possible....so yes, I had to buy a new tire. Hmmm. BUT, God is in control, and He has a plan for this event in my life too. I brought my "old" tire home to return it to where I just purchased them before I left for OR...so we will see if they can plug it or get a new one under warranty.
I am sitting in my parents living room and there is MUCH activity going on around me! There is a table of people playing a game, a group of children in the basement talking loudly/shouting?? with their activities, another group in the living room playing checkers! It is so good to be here and hang out with all the family--what a special Thanksgiving this is!!
More to come next week....
Keep smilin' and lookin' to Jesus with me!!
We had one "mishap". The drivers side front tire had a slow leak and when I was filling it up in Newport, Iowa I noticed the "nail head". YIKES!! So, in the next town, which was Coralville we stopped at a tire store and after an 1.5hr wait they told me the repair was not possible....so yes, I had to buy a new tire. Hmmm. BUT, God is in control, and He has a plan for this event in my life too. I brought my "old" tire home to return it to where I just purchased them before I left for OR...so we will see if they can plug it or get a new one under warranty.
I am sitting in my parents living room and there is MUCH activity going on around me! There is a table of people playing a game, a group of children in the basement talking loudly/shouting?? with their activities, another group in the living room playing checkers! It is so good to be here and hang out with all the family--what a special Thanksgiving this is!!
More to come next week....
Keep smilin' and lookin' to Jesus with me!!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
On Our Way!
Hey everyone! I am currently in Idaho Falls, ID with Anna getting ready to go for breakfast. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of activities with Anna here and the events at the ranch. Lord willing, we will be in MI on Wednesday afternoon!!
Thank you for all your prayers....I promise I will write a more detailed update after Thanksgiving!!
Keep smilin' and lookin' to Jesus with me!
Enjoy your Thanksgiving with family and friends--I sure will! We ALL have much to be thankful for!
Thank you for all your prayers....I promise I will write a more detailed update after Thanksgiving!!
Keep smilin' and lookin' to Jesus with me!
Enjoy your Thanksgiving with family and friends--I sure will! We ALL have much to be thankful for!
Monday, October 12, 2009
October Blessings Part 2
I realized this morning that I did not give you an update on my personal health yesterday when I posted my blog--so here you go!
First, I want to thank you for ALL your prayers! I know, I can feel, the prayers! According to the Dr's I should not be as far along as I am now considering what took place--but I am because of His great mercy and grace!
My headaches are around a 4 out of 10 each day. They are not as severe, nor are they so intense. It is more of a come and go deal--some days or times of day I notice it more than others. This is a HUGE improvement!! My weight loss program of up-chucking my food is finished as well :-). (Sorry for all you weak of stomach who just read that!). I am keeping my food down just fine--another HUGE improvement! Dizziness is still something that I need to be careful of. Twirling around in circles with horses, putting my head below my waist (such as when we clean horses hooves) or when pushing kids on the swing are three areas that I limit. Again, even with dizziness, I have noticed a remarkable improvement--it takes less time to get my head "settled" then a month ago! Praise God for that!
My Mom suggested a while ago to take some different vitamins that would help, so I have added those to my daily intake. My short term memory has kinda bothered me, and after researching therapy I realized what they would be doing is "flash cards" and other such tools to help "exercise" my brain. In the past I know personally that memorizing Scripture has been a way for me to increase my memory power--so I have begun memorizing again!
Several have written me e-mails or have phoned me with their concerns--and I truly thank you! I have not ruled out seeing a Dr again--it is something that I am waiting for the Lord to prompt me to do--if needed. I have been told that this is a process. The swelling and return of "normalcy" could take 4-6 months. Others have told me it could take longer! I am just so grateful to be where I am now--thank you again for your prayers on my behalf!
One more blessing I want to share is this: My niece Anna is flying out to see me on November the 4th!! This is something that she has desired to do for quite some time now and we both (her parents included) have been praying about--and now it is going to happen! I am SO excited for both of us! She will be volunteering at the ranch each day, and then on the weekends we will explore some of Oregon together! The other FABULOUS benefit to me is I have someone to ride home with me--and to help me drive!! YEAH!! Please pray for Anna's safe flight out here. Her desire is to serve the ranch in whatever way she can while she is here. What a privilege for me to be a part of this mission trip in her life--and what a joy to spend some great one on one time as well! God is so good!
The last day of the ranch is November 19th. We will, Lord willing and weather permitting, be home for Thanksgiving!
Keep smilin' and lookin' to Jesus with me today!!
First, I want to thank you for ALL your prayers! I know, I can feel, the prayers! According to the Dr's I should not be as far along as I am now considering what took place--but I am because of His great mercy and grace!
My headaches are around a 4 out of 10 each day. They are not as severe, nor are they so intense. It is more of a come and go deal--some days or times of day I notice it more than others. This is a HUGE improvement!! My weight loss program of up-chucking my food is finished as well :-). (Sorry for all you weak of stomach who just read that!). I am keeping my food down just fine--another HUGE improvement! Dizziness is still something that I need to be careful of. Twirling around in circles with horses, putting my head below my waist (such as when we clean horses hooves) or when pushing kids on the swing are three areas that I limit. Again, even with dizziness, I have noticed a remarkable improvement--it takes less time to get my head "settled" then a month ago! Praise God for that!
My Mom suggested a while ago to take some different vitamins that would help, so I have added those to my daily intake. My short term memory has kinda bothered me, and after researching therapy I realized what they would be doing is "flash cards" and other such tools to help "exercise" my brain. In the past I know personally that memorizing Scripture has been a way for me to increase my memory power--so I have begun memorizing again!
Several have written me e-mails or have phoned me with their concerns--and I truly thank you! I have not ruled out seeing a Dr again--it is something that I am waiting for the Lord to prompt me to do--if needed. I have been told that this is a process. The swelling and return of "normalcy" could take 4-6 months. Others have told me it could take longer! I am just so grateful to be where I am now--thank you again for your prayers on my behalf!
One more blessing I want to share is this: My niece Anna is flying out to see me on November the 4th!! This is something that she has desired to do for quite some time now and we both (her parents included) have been praying about--and now it is going to happen! I am SO excited for both of us! She will be volunteering at the ranch each day, and then on the weekends we will explore some of Oregon together! The other FABULOUS benefit to me is I have someone to ride home with me--and to help me drive!! YEAH!! Please pray for Anna's safe flight out here. Her desire is to serve the ranch in whatever way she can while she is here. What a privilege for me to be a part of this mission trip in her life--and what a joy to spend some great one on one time as well! God is so good!
The last day of the ranch is November 19th. We will, Lord willing and weather permitting, be home for Thanksgiving!
Keep smilin' and lookin' to Jesus with me today!!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
October Blessings
This past Thursday we (staff and volunteers) had horse lessons in the morning. It is during this time that Kelsie teaches us how to work with the horses and helps us either learn riding skills (that would be me) or teaches ways to refine and improve on the base of knowledge we have. We learn how to back them up, have them turn in different directions to stretch, and learn techniques on how to help us during session times with children. When Kelsie told me I could get go get my horse I asked her if I could get a Level 3 horse today. (We have three levels of horses. Levels 1 are the horses that have the easiest temperament and are super calm with children. The next two levels of horses have what I call at least, more excitable temperaments and need to have a more skilled hand in guiding them to do what they should with a child on their back. Also, some of our newer horses are in the Level 2 or 3 because the staff has not spent enough time with them yet so they are familiar with the horse and its behaviors.) I am able to ride and use during sessions Level 1 horses only. So when I asked Kelsie it was kind of jokingly….but she turned to me and said, “The only Level 3 horse not being used right now is Bozeman….but go ahead if you want to ride him.” So, of course, I did!! YEEEHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bozeman is the BIGGEST horse on our ranch as you will see by the pictures. His hooves are the size of my hand!! It was one of the BESTEST rides all year so far! I rode him bareback and it was just as comfortable as my lazy girl chair back home—he just flowed when he trotted! Thanks Kelsie for making my day super special!!
The process of healing from my head injury was at a place where I was still not able to be a leader for sessions with kids and horses. Instead, I assisted the greeter with welcoming everyone, helped with the required forms that needed to be filled out for those coming for a tour, and hung out with those sitting in the grass while sessions were going on. It was a busy day—lots of children coming and going. The music of the ranch included shrieks of delight, eyes full of joy, horses being loved on, and a game of “noodle war” taking place on the grass. My heart was soaking it all in. There was also an air of expectation and excitement this day. It was a day that was long awaited—our newest rescues were being brought to the ranch around 4:00!!
A vehicle drove up the driveway and a lady rolled down her window and it was a Mom and daughter. The daughter was visually impaired so we invited them to park up on the wood chips by the office. After they parked I welcomed them and led them back to the greeter’s station to fill out the necessary forms. They were part of a tour that was scheduled that day so off they went.
When the tour was finished I noticed the Mom and daughter resting on the green bench under a pine tree. I walked over and asked how it was going. Both were beaming and could hardly get the words out over top of each other of how wonderful it was to be here, and how it was a dream come true for the young lady. I asked her if she was able to go into the paddock and meet some of the horses and she said she had. I asked her if she had met Hero—a horse that had lost an eye when he was shot and left for dead. No, but she would like too—so together we walked to the back of the ranch. I asked her how long she had been blind and she told me since birth. Can you see anything at all? No, blind as a bat she said. Her hand was resting on my elbow as we walked, and I became conscious of the fact that I was her eyes. It was me who would tell her that she had to step over the railroad tie in the path and when we were going from one level to another. I described the flowers lining the driveway and main arena where horses and children were playing. She asked questions regarding what the buildings and barns looked like, what children did when riding horses, and how the layout of the ranch was designed. As we entered the back paddock and horses gathered around, I guided her hands to their faces, to their noses, and to their sides. She knew that she was surrounded by horses; she could feel their presence, feel their warm breath on her face, neck and arms. It struck me how trusting she was of me—a stranger she had met just hours ago. As we fed the horses apples, her giggles and laughter was as melodious to me as the apples were delicious to the horses. So both of her hands could be free to “see” the horses, I kept one of my hands on her shoulder or arm at all times. She asked me to tell her the name of each horse, what color(s) they were as well as their stories. When she met Hero, it was like she slipped into another world. If I could of, I would of walked away to give her her space, her time alone with the one she so connected with. As I guided her hands to his face she felt the empty eye socket and softly began to pour out her love for him. It was like I was eavesdropping on a private conversation from one friend’s heart to another. I was an observer to the three of them—Hero, the young lady and our Creator each participating in a unique and deep miracle that was taking place.
As we made our way back to the main part of the ranch not many words were spoken between us. I heard a truck coming up the driveway—it was Kim with the trailer and the horses! As my new friend and I moved to a bench to sit down I again was her “eyes” and described all that was taking place. I told her that it was a Momma and her foal that were being unloaded from the trailer to begin a new life at the ranch. Templeton, the foal was born walking on the front of his legs, instead of his hooves. It wasn’t too long before he could not stand up, and therefore could not eat, and was soon going to die. A concerned neighbor called the sheriff and the Mom and baby were taken to Bend Equine Medical Center where under the skilled and loving hands of a kind Doctor the foal’s life was saved and the process of restoring strength to his legs was begun. Casts were made for his front legs, and after weeks of time and therapy he was able to stand on his own! The clinic contacted Kim and Troy and asked if they were interested in adopting the foal. YES! YES! YES! was the answer, and so at 9 weeks of age Templeton and his Momma arrived at the ranch.
It was an occasion of excitement and joy and wonder! He was adorable! Babies are always amusing, and this horse was no exception! Everything was so small—his tiny little hooves, his cute little head and muzzle, and his short mane and tail. He has one brown eye and the other eye is brown and blue! His soft nicker and curiosity about everything and everyone was undeniably the reason for the smiles on everyone’s faces as we watched them both explore their new home. Even though he still “went down” on his front legs from time to time as he pranced and danced it was delightful to watch him play!
I had never seen up close or even touched a foal, and neither had my new friend. As we made our way into the paddock we kneeled down and held out our hands full of hay to entice them to come over. My heart was so full I forgot to talk, and my friend gently brought me back by asking me what he looked like. I fumbled for words to describe him and his Mom, and as Templeton made his way closer to us I guided her hands to touch his nose, his face, and his neck. Her smile of joy radiated across her face, and again as I listened to her talk I was struck with the enormity of the privilege of being part of her life this day.
It was late by the time her Mom and I walked back to their vehicle to go home. The three of us embraced and exchanged e-mails and promises to write. With arms around each other’s shoulders we prayed—sharing with our Heavenly Father a portion of what that day meant to each of us. Again, words fail to describe the moment. I was so touched. We parted with tears and joy—knowing that someday we will see each other again. If not here—then in heaven where we ALL would see and be seen!
Weeks have passed since that day, and several e-mails have been exchanged. On that sunny day a precious child of the King came to the ranch with a physical body that was scarred. She came with emotions and words that were buried deep down, but wishing more than anything to be heard and understood. She was seemingly strong and composed on the outside, but barren and scared and hurting on the inside. That day, secret places were opened up to the Shepherd who wrapped His strong, safe, and loving arms around His cherished sheep. Healing took place. His breath of life was breathed in the desert parts of her heart, and now there was an oasis of His love. To love and be loved—that is a treasure beyond price. To trust and be trusted—a gift beyond value. To be received and valued and be safe with no conditions, no strings, and with total acceptance—these were miracles performed by the Great Physician to His beloved child.
Two precious children of the King came to the ranch that sunny day. One arrived in the morning, and one in the afternoon. Two lives were forever changed and healed as they left that evening. My new friend and me. I will never forget that day, never. Nor will she.
As I was driving to the ranch one sunny morning, my eyes were on the road, but my heart was elsewhere. My seatbelt was buckled, but my mind was wandering. It was one of those days when it was work to read my Bible and pray that morning. A day when, if I could, I would of buried my head under my covers, gone back to sleep and hopefully woke up differently the next time. It was a day that I didn’t wake up ready to tackle the world with enthusiasm and zest, a day that already seemed to be cloudy before the sun rose. A day when I was one person on the outside, and another on the inside. I will never forget this day, never.
I arrived at the ranch and began my morning chores. Another volunteer and I were assigned to the “fat paddock”. That meant getting Hero, Isaac and Molly into a specially made corral inside the main paddock, bringing them a bale of hay and making sure all the waters were clean and full. Isabella and Shamis needed to be brought from the back paddock to hang out with the horses in the main paddock for the day. We both kinda laughed and joked while working together to accomplish our task. Wouldn’t it be great if we went to a “fat paddock” each day and were told to eat as much as we wanted to gain 50 or more pounds!! Ha Ha!!
For the rest of the morning I wrote donor thank you’s, processed some donations that were sent to the ranch in boxes from kind and generous people all over the United Sates, did an inventory of our merchandise, and “kung foo’d” flies that were in the barn. :-) Lunch is from 12:00 to 12:30 and a bunch of us gathered out on the lawn to eat and chat together. From 12:30 to 1:00 is staff meeting where we go over the session schedule for the day and then break up in two’s or three’s to pray for each of the children and families coming.
The process of healing from my head injury was at a place where I was still not able to be a leader for sessions with kids and horses. Instead, I assisted the greeter with welcoming everyone, helped with the required forms that needed to be filled out for those coming for a tour, and hung out with those sitting in the grass while sessions were going on. It was a busy day—lots of children coming and going. The music of the ranch included shrieks of delight, eyes full of joy, horses being loved on, and a game of “noodle war” taking place on the grass. My heart was soaking it all in. There was also an air of expectation and excitement this day. It was a day that was long awaited—our newest rescues were being brought to the ranch around 4:00!!
A vehicle drove up the driveway and a lady rolled down her window and it was a Mom and daughter. The daughter was visually impaired so we invited them to park up on the wood chips by the office. After they parked I welcomed them and led them back to the greeter’s station to fill out the necessary forms. They were part of a tour that was scheduled that day so off they went.
When the tour was finished I noticed the Mom and daughter resting on the green bench under a pine tree. I walked over and asked how it was going. Both were beaming and could hardly get the words out over top of each other of how wonderful it was to be here, and how it was a dream come true for the young lady. I asked her if she was able to go into the paddock and meet some of the horses and she said she had. I asked her if she had met Hero—a horse that had lost an eye when he was shot and left for dead. No, but she would like too—so together we walked to the back of the ranch. I asked her how long she had been blind and she told me since birth. Can you see anything at all? No, blind as a bat she said. Her hand was resting on my elbow as we walked, and I became conscious of the fact that I was her eyes. It was me who would tell her that she had to step over the railroad tie in the path and when we were going from one level to another. I described the flowers lining the driveway and main arena where horses and children were playing. She asked questions regarding what the buildings and barns looked like, what children did when riding horses, and how the layout of the ranch was designed. As we entered the back paddock and horses gathered around, I guided her hands to their faces, to their noses, and to their sides. She knew that she was surrounded by horses; she could feel their presence, feel their warm breath on her face, neck and arms. It struck me how trusting she was of me—a stranger she had met just hours ago. As we fed the horses apples, her giggles and laughter was as melodious to me as the apples were delicious to the horses. So both of her hands could be free to “see” the horses, I kept one of my hands on her shoulder or arm at all times. She asked me to tell her the name of each horse, what color(s) they were as well as their stories. When she met Hero, it was like she slipped into another world. If I could of, I would of walked away to give her her space, her time alone with the one she so connected with. As I guided her hands to his face she felt the empty eye socket and softly began to pour out her love for him. It was like I was eavesdropping on a private conversation from one friend’s heart to another. I was an observer to the three of them—Hero, the young lady and our Creator each participating in a unique and deep miracle that was taking place.
As we made our way back to the main part of the ranch not many words were spoken between us. I heard a truck coming up the driveway—it was Kim with the trailer and the horses! As my new friend and I moved to a bench to sit down I again was her “eyes” and described all that was taking place. I told her that it was a Momma and her foal that were being unloaded from the trailer to begin a new life at the ranch. Templeton, the foal was born walking on the front of his legs, instead of his hooves. It wasn’t too long before he could not stand up, and therefore could not eat, and was soon going to die. A concerned neighbor called the sheriff and the Mom and baby were taken to Bend Equine Medical Center where under the skilled and loving hands of a kind Doctor the foal’s life was saved and the process of restoring strength to his legs was begun. Casts were made for his front legs, and after weeks of time and therapy he was able to stand on his own! The clinic contacted Kim and Troy and asked if they were interested in adopting the foal. YES! YES! YES! was the answer, and so at 9 weeks of age Templeton and his Momma arrived at the ranch.
It was an occasion of excitement and joy and wonder! He was adorable! Babies are always amusing, and this horse was no exception! Everything was so small—his tiny little hooves, his cute little head and muzzle, and his short mane and tail. He has one brown eye and the other eye is brown and blue! His soft nicker and curiosity about everything and everyone was undeniably the reason for the smiles on everyone’s faces as we watched them both explore their new home. Even though he still “went down” on his front legs from time to time as he pranced and danced it was delightful to watch him play!
I had never seen up close or even touched a foal, and neither had my new friend. As we made our way into the paddock we kneeled down and held out our hands full of hay to entice them to come over. My heart was so full I forgot to talk, and my friend gently brought me back by asking me what he looked like. I fumbled for words to describe him and his Mom, and as Templeton made his way closer to us I guided her hands to touch his nose, his face, and his neck. Her smile of joy radiated across her face, and again as I listened to her talk I was struck with the enormity of the privilege of being part of her life this day.
It was late by the time her Mom and I walked back to their vehicle to go home. The three of us embraced and exchanged e-mails and promises to write. With arms around each other’s shoulders we prayed—sharing with our Heavenly Father a portion of what that day meant to each of us. Again, words fail to describe the moment. I was so touched. We parted with tears and joy—knowing that someday we will see each other again. If not here—then in heaven where we ALL would see and be seen!
Weeks have passed since that day, and several e-mails have been exchanged. On that sunny day a precious child of the King came to the ranch with a physical body that was scarred. She came with emotions and words that were buried deep down, but wishing more than anything to be heard and understood. She was seemingly strong and composed on the outside, but barren and scared and hurting on the inside. That day, secret places were opened up to the Shepherd who wrapped His strong, safe, and loving arms around His cherished sheep. Healing took place. His breath of life was breathed in the desert parts of her heart, and now there was an oasis of His love. To love and be loved—that is a treasure beyond price. To trust and be trusted—a gift beyond value. To be received and valued and be safe with no conditions, no strings, and with total acceptance—these were miracles performed by the Great Physician to His beloved child.
Two precious children of the King came to the ranch that sunny day. One arrived in the morning, and one in the afternoon. Two lives were forever changed and healed as they left that evening. My new friend and me. I will never forget that day, never. Nor will she.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
September Ramblings
Can you believe that it is September already? Where has the summer gone? I know where mine went--can I slow down time? Please? :-)
Proverbs 3:7,8 say this: “Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom, instead fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.” Wow. God’s Word is so practical in our everyday lives. Check out the words of this hymn: How Deep the Fathers Love for us 
I'm a "doer", and this sitting around stuff has been pretty hard. Yet, my ranch family has come around me and enveloped me with love, acceptance, prayers and deeper friendships. In the corporate world that I am used too--I could of been set aside, ostracized, relocated, and even been looked down upon both in words and actions. I have experienced none of those--in fact, the total opposite. I have been showered with the love of Jesus--a gift I have at times, been reluctant and hesitant to receive. This community of believers has been showing me what the body of Christ is all about—it’s not about us, it is about Him. I find it hard to put into words. I am so grateful to them--and my Father who loves me so much that He is not willing to leave me where I am, but will use what He knows is best to draw me closer to Him. His ways are good--I am thankful that this event has happened in my life.
I mentioned above another area that God has been working in my life: being aware of others who have struggles that also, like mine, cannot be seen with the visible eye. Because I am limited in the activities that I can participate in I have been spending time listening to parents/grandparents/legal guardians on the grass while their children are in session times. I have had the honor and privilege to write donor thank you cards, to reply to letters that have been sent to the ranch-- to spend more time in resting than in doing. My eyes and heart have been opened up to more than the visible ministry of horse session times--and I have been deeply blessed. 
In Galatians 5:22-23 the fruit of the Spirit is given to us. These are character traits that we cannot develop by ourselves—it is only when we are under the control of the Holy Spirit and choose to obey and put into practice these traits that we become more like Christ. The first three are choices we make. Love, joy and peace. All are action words, not feeling words. They do not come naturally from our flesh, but as we daily choose to live for Christ, and choose to obey Him in all things, they do become more and more a part of our everyday lives. I am choosing to both give AND receive love, joy and peace. How about you? Each of us experience different circumstances, events, and people in our lives. BUT, all of us can choose to display the fruit of the Spirit, can choose to see God’s good and give thanks in everything, and can choose to grow.
There is no "set in stone" time as to when I will be "all better" according my Doctor. The Great Physician--He can choose to heal now, in this instant, or as is the case currently, continue the process in His time table. Typically, they say, it takes 4-6 months. Hmm. Now do you understand a little better a segment of this struggle? I am improving--and for that I am grateful! Thank you to each of you, who have sent cards, made phone calls or sent e-mails. Thank you for your continued prayers.
Does it still amaze you how God's Word is so current in each of our lives if we but look for it and ask for it? I am and always want to be "surprised" as I read the Bible! I am choosing to practice daily the verses in Proverbs, for this is the pathway that will lead to my complete healing. I could continue to share how the Lord is purging from me so many areas of pride in my life, teaching me how to REALLY communicate/talk/listen to/with others, showing me how I need to show love and compassion because of His great love and compassion to me, and how desperately I need Him--not a book, not a friend, not some form of entertainment--but that He wants and will and desires to meet ALL my needs. My prayer for you as you read this is that your heart will be turned and drawn to our Heavenly Father and His great love and pursuit of you. That you will see, as I am seeing , how deep and intimate He desires a relationship with us--and that the events that take place in our lives are not random or by chance--but they are part of His great design and plan. That He has it ALL in His control, and that Romans 8:28 is true: " And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Before I began rambling :-), I want to say it was WONDERFUL to be back in Michigan for about 10 days the beginning of August! It was a night to remember--our Sunday evening church service in which the power went out--and I shared "in the dark" how God is working in my life, and at the ranch. To greet and hug and talk with my church family--it was so good for my heart! I also went to my previous place of employment and was able to show them (because there was power there :-)) the PowerPoint I had put together as well as share and answer questions. I enjoyed that time very much too. OF COURSE, seeing all my nieces and nephews and my brother and sisters and parents and Grandma and Aunts and Uncles and other friends was FANTABULOUS too! It was a gift from God to go home--and it is also a gift from God to return to Oregon where God has called me: Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch!
It HAS been a while since I have written--and hopefully all of you have heard, and will understand why the gap in time for this update. I was white water rafting on July 17th and I did a face plant with a rock just beneath the water. I ended up with some stitches in my head above my right eye and some on the bridge of my nose. God has blessed my life with such great health--and this closed head injury has changed me--a lot. If you would see me now, I look just as I did before the injury--but the reality is that I do not feel or function the same. Our Father has chosen this chapter in my life to draw me closer to Him. He has used this to open my eyes and heart towards others that have struggles--in whatever dimension--that are not seen with the naked eye. He also has used this time to begin to build bridges of trust--in areas inside of me that have been hidden and closed away from Him, and towards other people.
Because of the severity of my injury I was not physically able to be alone, nor was it safe to be so. I was in more physical pain than I have ever experienced before--and because of that I took the prescription drugs that the Doctor had prescribed. Now, not only was I not able to even walk to the bathroom alone because of my blurred/double vision, lack of balance and intense pain--I was also "drugged up". Being vulnerable, weak and helpless is NOT a position I would choose to put myself in willingly. Yet, here I was, in a couple's home, unable to do just about anything without their assistance. I don't remember quite a bit from those blurred days, but I clearly remember that my Heavenly Father and I had many conversations. One of them was this: “Be thankful in all circumstance, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus” I Thessalonians 5:18. Before July 17th I had been reading in Romans and chapter 1 verse 21. This verse says that the people did not give glory to God or give Him thanks and because of that God abandoned them. WHOA. That really struck me hard. Giving glory and thanks to God was not an option before the accident occurred, nor is it an option after the accident! Secondly, I also began to realize part of God’s plan for me during this recuperating time was for me to learn trust. To trust Him--that this IS part of His plan for my life, and He meant it for my good and His glory--and to trust those who were/are caring for me. The verse God gave me before I left for CPYR, the one that is at the top of my blog is Proverbs 3:5,6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Does this apply to me/us only in decision making times, or looking for God's will times, or in career changes, etc? Does it not also apply to times when I/we are totally incapacitated and our great King is speaking to my/our hearts--to draw them closer to Him--to cleanse, purge, release, and bring healing? He uses ways that we would NOT choose, but in His great design and plan puts us there because He knows we wouldn't learn any other way? The answer is clearly YES! And so, for me this is the case.
Proverbs 3:7,8 say this: “Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom, instead fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.” Wow. God’s Word is so practical in our everyday lives. Check out the words of this hymn: How Deep the Fathers Love for us
How deep the Father's love for us How vast beyond all measure. That He should give His only Son And make a wretch His treasure. How great the pain of searing loss The Father turns His face away. As wounds which mar the Chosen One Bring many sons to glory.
Behold the man upon the cross My sin upon His shoulders. Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice Call out among the scoffers. It was my sin that held Him there Until it was accomplished. His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished.
I will not boast in anything No gifts, no power, no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ His death and resurrection. Why should I gain from His reward I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart His wounds have paid my ransom.
Why should I gain from His reward I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart His wounds have paid my ransom.
This song and verses from Proverbs so shares my heart right now. Indeed, in this time of recuperating from this injury I am learning that my boasting does not come from gifts, power or wisdom. It is not about my "performance" or what I can "do", it is about Jesus Christ and what He has done, and is doing that I can boast and talk about. It is not about “my wisdom”, it is about fearing the Lord—my focus totally on and about Him-- and turning away from evil. Hard lessons to learn, but good and necessary ones.
I'm a "doer", and this sitting around stuff has been pretty hard. Yet, my ranch family has come around me and enveloped me with love, acceptance, prayers and deeper friendships. In the corporate world that I am used too--I could of been set aside, ostracized, relocated, and even been looked down upon both in words and actions. I have experienced none of those--in fact, the total opposite. I have been showered with the love of Jesus--a gift I have at times, been reluctant and hesitant to receive. This community of believers has been showing me what the body of Christ is all about—it’s not about us, it is about Him. I find it hard to put into words. I am so grateful to them--and my Father who loves me so much that He is not willing to leave me where I am, but will use what He knows is best to draw me closer to Him. His ways are good--I am thankful that this event has happened in my life.
I mentioned above another area that God has been working in my life: being aware of others who have struggles that also, like mine, cannot be seen with the visible eye. Because I am limited in the activities that I can participate in I have been spending time listening to parents/grandparents/legal guardians on the grass while their children are in session times. I have had the honor and privilege to write donor thank you cards, to reply to letters that have been sent to the ranch-- to spend more time in resting than in doing. My eyes and heart have been opened up to more than the visible ministry of horse session times--and I have been deeply blessed.
I sat on the lawn and listened to a man tell me with passion and hurt in his voice why he practiced voodoo instead of turning to Christ. He was begging and baiting me by his conversation to argue with him to try to convince him otherwise. I did not, and just before he left with his daughter he told me that this was the first time that he met a Christian who, as he said, acted like a Christian should--with love. That I didn't try as he said, to proselytize him with words. Oh Father, may the seeds of YOUR love come alive in this mans heart--Holy Spirit--draw this man to a saving grace and faith in Jesus Christ!
For about an hour a lady and I chatted about many different subjects--when suddenly she turned to me with a different look in her eye and tone to her voice and began to pour out her heart of her concern for her children. What a privilege to pray with her, to be trusted in her inner heart, and to go before the Throne of Grace together in her time of need.
Two children approached me after they had their horse sessions and asked if I would take them into the paddock so they could "go swimming" in our horse trough. With all the eagerness and shyness of little ones they timidly asked if I would join them in their play. I imagined them wondering if I would be "too busy" or have "more important things to do" or just be "too grown up" to play. At that time I did not know their background--but I could see in their eyes the need to be loved and accepted. Taking off my boots we did mini cannon balls in the trough, splashed each other and laughed and giggled. Each time they return to the ranch, they seek me out and we play. As I have learned about their short lives, my heart grieves for what we would desire no child to have experienced, and what they now carry in their minds, hearts and bodies. For them, they have not had the opportunity to play--just play--without "consequences". What a deep joy to be a small part of their lives that can demonstrate by my actions that there are people in this world who love them--for just who they are. It doesn't matter what they look like, what physical or mental challenges they have--they are loved by Jesus--and I get the privilege to be His hands and feet to show them. To share hope--a treasure that is priceless--yet is so needed in each one of our lives.
Four different times now I have been invited to homes either for dinner, or just to hang out. Each of these opportunities has given me the platform to share about my "head schmuck" (as I call it) and share with them the ways in which God was in it all. To boast about HIM, to share the miracles that He performed--and that He is not finished with me yet--because I am still alive and He is healing me. That this is a process--both in my heart, and in my head--and how I struggle with it daily, yet desire to always trust and believe that His ways are best. It has opened doors of conversation from their hearts--and we can encourage and pray and "spur each other on to love and good works".
In Galatians 5:22-23 the fruit of the Spirit is given to us. These are character traits that we cannot develop by ourselves—it is only when we are under the control of the Holy Spirit and choose to obey and put into practice these traits that we become more like Christ. The first three are choices we make. Love, joy and peace. All are action words, not feeling words. They do not come naturally from our flesh, but as we daily choose to live for Christ, and choose to obey Him in all things, they do become more and more a part of our everyday lives. I am choosing to both give AND receive love, joy and peace. How about you? Each of us experience different circumstances, events, and people in our lives. BUT, all of us can choose to display the fruit of the Spirit, can choose to see God’s good and give thanks in everything, and can choose to grow.
There is no "set in stone" time as to when I will be "all better" according my Doctor. The Great Physician--He can choose to heal now, in this instant, or as is the case currently, continue the process in His time table. Typically, they say, it takes 4-6 months. Hmm. Now do you understand a little better a segment of this struggle? I am improving--and for that I am grateful! Thank you to each of you, who have sent cards, made phone calls or sent e-mails. Thank you for your continued prayers.
Does it still amaze you how God's Word is so current in each of our lives if we but look for it and ask for it? I am and always want to be "surprised" as I read the Bible! I am choosing to practice daily the verses in Proverbs, for this is the pathway that will lead to my complete healing. I could continue to share how the Lord is purging from me so many areas of pride in my life, teaching me how to REALLY communicate/talk/listen to/with others, showing me how I need to show love and compassion because of His great love and compassion to me, and how desperately I need Him--not a book, not a friend, not some form of entertainment--but that He wants and will and desires to meet ALL my needs. My prayer for you as you read this is that your heart will be turned and drawn to our Heavenly Father and His great love and pursuit of you. That you will see, as I am seeing , how deep and intimate He desires a relationship with us--and that the events that take place in our lives are not random or by chance--but they are part of His great design and plan. That He has it ALL in His control, and that Romans 8:28 is true: " And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
This last picture is one of me on top of the South Sister. Behind me are the Middle and North Sister. What an incredible adventure--to climb a mountain. To get there I went through woods, valleys, plateaus, steep hills, sunshine, wind, rain and snow. Just like life--THANK YOU Jesus for ALL aspects of life--You are in control, and what you allow and bring is ALL GOOD!!
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