Before I began rambling :-), I want to say it was WONDERFUL to be back in Michigan for about 10 days the beginning of August! It was a night to remember--our Sunday evening church service in which the power went out--and I shared "in the dark" how God is working in my life, and at the ranch. To greet and hug and talk with my church family--it was so good for my heart! I also went to my previous place of employment and was able to show them (because there was power there :-)) the PowerPoint I had put together as well as share and answer questions. I enjoyed that time very much too. OF COURSE, seeing all my nieces and nephews and my brother and sisters and parents and Grandma and Aunts and Uncles and other friends was FANTABULOUS too! It was a gift from God to go home--and it is also a gift from God to return to Oregon where God has called me: Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch!
It HAS been a while since I have written--and hopefully all of you have heard, and will understand why the gap in time for this update. I was white water rafting on July 17th and I did a face plant with a rock just beneath the water. I ended up with some stitches in my head above my right eye and some on the bridge of my nose. God has blessed my life with such great health--and this closed head injury has changed me--a lot. If you would see me now, I look just as I did before the injury--but the reality is that I do not feel or function the same. Our Father has chosen this chapter in my life to draw me closer to Him. He has used this to open my eyes and heart towards others that have struggles--in whatever dimension--that are not seen with the naked eye. He also has used this time to begin to build bridges of trust--in areas inside of me that have been hidden and closed away from Him, and towards other people.
Because of the severity of my injury I was not physically able to be alone, nor was it safe to be so. I was in more physical pain than I have ever experienced before--and because of that I took the prescription drugs that the Doctor had prescribed. Now, not only was I not able to even walk to the bathroom alone because of my blurred/double vision, lack of balance and intense pain--I was also "drugged up". Being vulnerable, weak and helpless is NOT a position I would choose to put myself in willingly. Yet, here I was, in a couple's home, unable to do just about anything without their assistance. I don't remember quite a bit from those blurred days, but I clearly remember that my Heavenly Father and I had many conversations. One of them was this: “Be thankful in all circumstance, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus” I Thessalonians 5:18. Before July 17th I had been reading in Romans and chapter 1 verse 21. This verse says that the people did not give glory to God or give Him thanks and because of that God abandoned them. WHOA. That really struck me hard. Giving glory and thanks to God was not an option before the accident occurred, nor is it an option after the accident! Secondly, I also began to realize part of God’s plan for me during this recuperating time was for me to learn trust. To trust Him--that this IS part of His plan for my life, and He meant it for my good and His glory--and to trust those who were/are caring for me. The verse God gave me before I left for CPYR, the one that is at the top of my blog is Proverbs 3:5,6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Does this apply to me/us only in decision making times, or looking for God's will times, or in career changes, etc? Does it not also apply to times when I/we are totally incapacitated and our great King is speaking to my/our hearts--to draw them closer to Him--to cleanse, purge, release, and bring healing? He uses ways that we would NOT choose, but in His great design and plan puts us there because He knows we wouldn't learn any other way? The answer is clearly YES! And so, for me this is the case.
Proverbs 3:7,8 say this: “Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom, instead fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.” Wow. God’s Word is so practical in our everyday lives. Check out the words of this hymn: How Deep the Fathers Love for us
How deep the Father's love for us How vast beyond all measure. That He should give His only Son And make a wretch His treasure. How great the pain of searing loss The Father turns His face away. As wounds which mar the Chosen One Bring many sons to glory.
Behold the man upon the cross My sin upon His shoulders. Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice Call out among the scoffers. It was my sin that held Him there Until it was accomplished. His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished.
I will not boast in anything No gifts, no power, no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ His death and resurrection. Why should I gain from His reward I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart His wounds have paid my ransom.
Why should I gain from His reward I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart His wounds have paid my ransom.
This song and verses from Proverbs so shares my heart right now. Indeed, in this time of recuperating from this injury I am learning that my boasting does not come from gifts, power or wisdom. It is not about my "performance" or what I can "do", it is about Jesus Christ and what He has done, and is doing that I can boast and talk about. It is not about “my wisdom”, it is about fearing the Lord—my focus totally on and about Him-- and turning away from evil. Hard lessons to learn, but good and necessary ones.
I'm a "doer", and this sitting around stuff has been pretty hard. Yet, my ranch family has come around me and enveloped me with love, acceptance, prayers and deeper friendships. In the corporate world that I am used too--I could of been set aside, ostracized, relocated, and even been looked down upon both in words and actions. I have experienced none of those--in fact, the total opposite. I have been showered with the love of Jesus--a gift I have at times, been reluctant and hesitant to receive. This community of believers has been showing me what the body of Christ is all about—it’s not about us, it is about Him. I find it hard to put into words. I am so grateful to them--and my Father who loves me so much that He is not willing to leave me where I am, but will use what He knows is best to draw me closer to Him. His ways are good--I am thankful that this event has happened in my life.
I mentioned above another area that God has been working in my life: being aware of others who have struggles that also, like mine, cannot be seen with the visible eye. Because I am limited in the activities that I can participate in I have been spending time listening to parents/grandparents/legal guardians on the grass while their children are in session times. I have had the honor and privilege to write donor thank you cards, to reply to letters that have been sent to the ranch-- to spend more time in resting than in doing. My eyes and heart have been opened up to more than the visible ministry of horse session times--and I have been deeply blessed.
I sat on the lawn and listened to a man tell me with passion and hurt in his voice why he practiced voodoo instead of turning to Christ. He was begging and baiting me by his conversation to argue with him to try to convince him otherwise. I did not, and just before he left with his daughter he told me that this was the first time that he met a Christian who, as he said, acted like a Christian should--with love. That I didn't try as he said, to proselytize him with words. Oh Father, may the seeds of YOUR love come alive in this mans heart--Holy Spirit--draw this man to a saving grace and faith in Jesus Christ!
For about an hour a lady and I chatted about many different subjects--when suddenly she turned to me with a different look in her eye and tone to her voice and began to pour out her heart of her concern for her children. What a privilege to pray with her, to be trusted in her inner heart, and to go before the Throne of Grace together in her time of need.
Two children approached me after they had their horse sessions and asked if I would take them into the paddock so they could "go swimming" in our horse trough. With all the eagerness and shyness of little ones they timidly asked if I would join them in their play. I imagined them wondering if I would be "too busy" or have "more important things to do" or just be "too grown up" to play. At that time I did not know their background--but I could see in their eyes the need to be loved and accepted. Taking off my boots we did mini cannon balls in the trough, splashed each other and laughed and giggled. Each time they return to the ranch, they seek me out and we play. As I have learned about their short lives, my heart grieves for what we would desire no child to have experienced, and what they now carry in their minds, hearts and bodies. For them, they have not had the opportunity to play--just play--without "consequences". What a deep joy to be a small part of their lives that can demonstrate by my actions that there are people in this world who love them--for just who they are. It doesn't matter what they look like, what physical or mental challenges they have--they are loved by Jesus--and I get the privilege to be His hands and feet to show them. To share hope--a treasure that is priceless--yet is so needed in each one of our lives.
Four different times now I have been invited to homes either for dinner, or just to hang out. Each of these opportunities has given me the platform to share about my "head schmuck" (as I call it) and share with them the ways in which God was in it all. To boast about HIM, to share the miracles that He performed--and that He is not finished with me yet--because I am still alive and He is healing me. That this is a process--both in my heart, and in my head--and how I struggle with it daily, yet desire to always trust and believe that His ways are best. It has opened doors of conversation from their hearts--and we can encourage and pray and "spur each other on to love and good works".
In Galatians 5:22-23 the fruit of the Spirit is given to us. These are character traits that we cannot develop by ourselves—it is only when we are under the control of the Holy Spirit and choose to obey and put into practice these traits that we become more like Christ. The first three are choices we make. Love, joy and peace. All are action words, not feeling words. They do not come naturally from our flesh, but as we daily choose to live for Christ, and choose to obey Him in all things, they do become more and more a part of our everyday lives. I am choosing to both give AND receive love, joy and peace. How about you? Each of us experience different circumstances, events, and people in our lives. BUT, all of us can choose to display the fruit of the Spirit, can choose to see God’s good and give thanks in everything, and can choose to grow.
There is no "set in stone" time as to when I will be "all better" according my Doctor. The Great Physician--He can choose to heal now, in this instant, or as is the case currently, continue the process in His time table. Typically, they say, it takes 4-6 months. Hmm. Now do you understand a little better a segment of this struggle? I am improving--and for that I am grateful! Thank you to each of you, who have sent cards, made phone calls or sent e-mails. Thank you for your continued prayers.
Does it still amaze you how God's Word is so current in each of our lives if we but look for it and ask for it? I am and always want to be "surprised" as I read the Bible! I am choosing to practice daily the verses in Proverbs, for this is the pathway that will lead to my complete healing. I could continue to share how the Lord is purging from me so many areas of pride in my life, teaching me how to REALLY communicate/talk/listen to/with others, showing me how I need to show love and compassion because of His great love and compassion to me, and how desperately I need Him--not a book, not a friend, not some form of entertainment--but that He wants and will and desires to meet ALL my needs. My prayer for you as you read this is that your heart will be turned and drawn to our Heavenly Father and His great love and pursuit of you. That you will see, as I am seeing , how deep and intimate He desires a relationship with us--and that the events that take place in our lives are not random or by chance--but they are part of His great design and plan. That He has it ALL in His control, and that Romans 8:28 is true: " And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
This last picture is one of me on top of the South Sister. Behind me are the Middle and North Sister. What an incredible adventure--to climb a mountain. To get there I went through woods, valleys, plateaus, steep hills, sunshine, wind, rain and snow. Just like life--THANK YOU Jesus for ALL aspects of life--You are in control, and what you allow and bring is ALL GOOD!!
